Forever
by chibimaritza
Summary: Santana comes back and does all to get Brittany back. What she didn't know was that something from her past keeps haunting her, and refuses to stop.
1. Pilot

NON GLEE WATCHERS SHOULD READ THIS BEFORE STARTING!

* Lima, Ohio is the place McKinley High is, the school Brittany and Santana went to and also where they lived.

* Santana meets Dani in New York (Season 5) after breaking up with Brittany during season 4.

* Also just so you know (before I get attacked), I DO NOT HATE DANI'S CHARACTER OR DEMI LOVATO! this is just a fanfiction.

"Hey San, where are you going?" Dani asked as soon as she stepped into the apartment.

"I told you before, I'm going back to Lima for a while"

Dani just looked at her with wide eyes.

"You didn't tell me.." Dani said

"Oh, I guess I forgot. Now you know. I'm staying for some weeks" Santana said as she threw clothes into her big black bag.

"Santana, what's wrong with you? You can't just leave now, in the middle of everything"

"This isn't anything spontaneous me and Rachel have been planning this trip for weeks"

Dani just sat on the couch, looking at Santana like she just killed a puppy or something.

"Are you going back there for Brittany?" Dani said after some minutes of silence.

Santana didn't move a finger. She freezed and stared down at her suitcase with small eyes.

"Don't be stupid, me and Brittany are history. That's over now"

"Is this your cowardy way of breaking up with me? Leaving for some weeks waiting, for me to break up with you?"

Santana didn't have anything to say, Dani kinda read her mind when she said those words. She took a step closer to Dani so she stood right in front her, with her eyes staring into hers she built up the courage to get this over with.

"Look, Dani. I like you, you're an amazing girl and you helped me get through my break up with Brittany. I know you hate me right now, and that's okay. I just won't lie to you anymore, you deserve better than this. I used you and it was wrong of me, I should have known better. But nothing, and I really mean _nothing_ will stop me from going back to Lima right now. I need a break"

Dani didn't know what to say, she was speechless. Everytime she tried to open her mouth nothing else but air left it. Santana just stood there, in front of her, waiting for something to slip out of Dani's mouth, a rude comment, a final goodbye, anything. She didn't really care what.

"You're heartless, Santana" Dani said and took her bag from the couch and slammed the door behind her.

Santana kept packing for a couple of more minutes, and sat down. Looking at her watch and then at the window. Thinking about what she just did, she knows it was mean, Dani really liked her. But it is what it is, it's done now and so is she.

"Where is that little midget" she mumbled, talking about Rachel.

Around 20 minutes later she gets a call from Rachel, she hurries down and steps into the yellow, typical New York cab.


	2. It's been too long

Santana and Rachel started walking towards McKinley after meeting Kurt outside the school.

"Wow, seeing this school truly brings back many memories.." Rachel said when they stepped in.

"It really does" Santana said and looked around.

The lockers, the benches here and there, coach Sue, or more like principal Sue now and last but not least the choir room.

"Where is everyone? I thought we were going to meet here at 2pm. It's 2:15 now" Kurt said.

"I heard Brittany's going to be here, Santana" Kurt said again and looked at her with crazy eyes and wide lips.

"Really? I didn't know, I don't care either" Santana answered and looked away.

She lied. Both Rachel and Kurt knew it but they didn't say anything, they knew how stubborn Santana could be.

Around 2:30 everyone started showing up. Mr. Scheuster, Sam, Mercedes, Mike, Tina, Blaine and Artie were the ones she saw right now. The other ones would probably be here soon.

"Let's go in guys" Mr. Schue said and pointed in to the choir room with the biggest smile on his lips.

"Oh how i've missed you all. The school is not the same without you. And I also went through a lot to get Sue to open the school up on a Saturday"

As much as Santana liked to be here with her old friends again she couldn't resist, they were grown ups now. Shouldn't they be doing something else than sitting in a old choir room?

"Will, can I say something?"

Everyone looked up at Santana, most of them because she said Will and not Mr. Scheuster, which was still pretty unusal even though they were older now.

"Sure" he said with a shy smile.

"As much as I like being here and appreciate the fact that you got Sue to open the school up for us on a Saturday, I feel like doing something else. Something mature. Can't we go out somewhere? To a fancy restaurant or something? I haven't worked my ass off in that stupid diner to spend no money at all on my vacation"

He looked at Santana and then at the rest of the guys too.

"Well.." he said and cleared his throat "I can't deny it, I've missed your tiny mean ways of being honest. But of course. Is that what everyone else wants too?"

Everyone agreed and they stood up, getting ready to leave.

"You're not leaving without me, are you?"

Everyone turned around and Brittany stood there, in blue jeans, a white shirt and her blonde hair tied up in a pony tail. At first everyone was shocked to see her but around 15 seconds later they all went to say hi and give her hugs. No one had seen Brittany in a really long time and everyone missed her.  
All of them stood and talked to her, all of them but Santana. She stood behind the piano staring down at her shoes, hoping no one would call her name and make her go there.

"All right everyone, let's get going. Let's make this the best reunion ever"

They all got into their cars, some of them were in the same car and other took a cab.

"Too bad Quinn and Puck didn't make it, I really missed them too" Mr. Schue said when they all sat together around a big table in one of the fanciest restaurants in Lima. And no, this was not breadstix.

"Ah, it's okay. We'll have fun without them" Sam said and laughed.

Santana sat between Rachel and Kurt, turning her head around from time to time to look at Brittany who sat across the table next to Tina and Mercedes.  
Brittany hadn't said a word to Santana during the whole day, in fact, she didn't even look at her. It was like Santana wasn't present, like she was invisible.

"I saw you stand there by the piano when Brit came in" Kurt whispered into her ear "You should've said hi"

"Stop nagging me, lady hummels"

"Fine. Suit yourself" he said and looked over at his left talking to Blaine instead.

"Well guys, I have to say this has been a great day and a wonderful night. I don't know about you kids but i'm heading home after this. Whatever you do, be safe! Promise to visit us again before those of you who don't live here anymore leave?"

Everyone paid for what they had and got dressed, hugged Mr. Schue and went away.

"So what now?" Rachel said looking at Kurt, Blaine and Santana.

"It's only 7pm. I'm not going home" Santana added "Let's do something. Wasn't there like a gay club or something called Scandal here somewhere? We should go, I'd really like to visit Kurts family"

"Shut up Santana"

They just laughed and agreed to go, Scandals it is. Blaine took his phone out and called for two cabs.

"They'll be here in 10 minutes" he said and put the phone in his pocket.

Santana and Rachel sat on one of the benches outside the restaurant and Blaine and Kurt stood on the same spot as before having eye sex. It was pretty obvious.

"Knock knock" someone said knocking on Santana's back.

Santana turned around and her heart skipped a beat. Brittany.


	3. I'm sorry

Brittany had been asked by Rachel to go with them to Scandal. As the happy and full of energy person Brittany is, she said yes.

"So, how have you been?" Santana asked looking at Brittany and trying her hardest to avoid eye contact.

"Honestly, I've been great. Everything is going really well. I got my job, and I'm looking for my own apartment around here now. I'm thinking about moving back" she said as she ordered herself another drink.

"That sounds really great, Brit. I'm happy for you" Santana said with her happiest voice.

It got quiet for a while, they just sat and watched how Rachel, Blaine and Kurt danced around some of the other people on the dancefloor and two drag queens.

"How are things in New York?" Brittany said to break the awkward silence.

"Right now, it's okay I guess.. I work at a diner" Santana answered

"That's awesome. I've always wanted to go to a New York diner. Do you get to wear old school uniforms too or is this modern?"

Santana was surprised of how interested Brittany was, it made her really happy.

"Well, I wouldn't say they're 80's old school, but they look a bit old fashioned" Santana said and laughed.

This time they had eyecontact, and none of them looked away. Not for a long while. Santana gave Brittany a shy smile and looked away.

"I'm really proud of you Brit, you've grown so much, you've matured. A lot"

"I'm still the same Brittany you knew in high school though, just a little bit older" she said and smiled at Santana, taking a sip of the cold drink in her hand.

The hours flew by but none of them seemed tired yet, it was almost midnight but Rachel, Kurt and Blaine wouldn't stop dancing and Santana just sat next to Brittany, talking for hours, just like she wanted.

"I heard you have a girlfriend, how are things going between you?"

"We're actually not together anymore, we broke up before I flew down here"

"Oh.. That sucks. I hope you're okay" Brittany said and gave Santana a puppy pout with her lips

"I'm great, don't worry" Santana said with a big smile on her lips "How about you? Do you have anyone special in your life?"

"No, but I still have Lord Tubbington" Brittany said and started laughing, that sentence made Santana let a laugh out as well.

Right when they were done laughing Kurt came to the bar and ordered a drink, they had never seen him that hype and they couldn't help but laughing at him.

"It's nice to see you two catch up but you _have_ to get your butts up and dance with us!" Kurt said but all they could pay attention to was his alcohol filled breath.

When he got his drink he bounsed his way back to the dancefloor. Santana looked back at Brittany and waited for her to look back, when she finally did she smiled at her.

"Look Brit, I haven't had the chance to apologize for the way I left the last time... I just want you to know that I've done nothing but regretting it since I left. I'm sorry"

It took some time for Brittany to answer. She just looked down at her drink, then up again at Santana, she took a deep breath and looked into Santana's big brown eyes.

"You are forgiven, and you know I forgave you a long time ago. Don't worry about it" she said at last and drank the last of what was left in her glass with a concerned face.

"Are you sure? I really want us to get back to the way we used to be, you know. We were unstoppable, no one could come between us" Santana said and let a little giggle out.

Brittany laughed and looked at her.

"I want that too. Trust me" she sighed and looked at Santana "But it will never happen. You know that right? I can't get back together with you, if that's the point you're trying to make"

Santana stopped smiling immediately. She felt like her whole life came crashing down right this moment. She thought everything went well, that Brittany _wanted_ to try again after the way they talked all night.

"Um, no. That's not what I was trying to say. I meant on the friend part, we were good friends too you know?" Santana answered out of embarrassment "But if it's okay to ask, why not?"

"We can be friends, I don't know if we'll ever be highschool-close friends, but we will be friends" she said and smiled in her silly, yet perfect way at Santana "And the answer to your other question is because you broke my heart, Santana. I went through a lot when you left me, and you weren't here, you weren't here to support me, to comfort me or anything. I really loved you once, I did. But I won't go down that road again"

"You don't love me?" Santana said, trying to keep her face straight.

"Of course I love you, but not in a I want to be together with you, kind of way"

"Yeah me neither" Santana lied.

"But hey, I should get going now. We'll see each other again soon, right?"

"Of course, Brit"

"Here's my number" Brittany wrote her number down on a napkin and handed it over to Santana.

"Thanks" Santana said and forced a smile on her lips.

They both stood up and hugged.

"Don't be a stranger" Brittany continued, she said bye to Rachel, Blaine and Kurt and then she left.

1:30 am and Santana was miserable.


	4. Unexpected

"That shirt on you, oh my god it's gorgeous. Where are you going?"

Santana looked away, trying to decide whether she should tell them who she's meeting up with or not.

"I'm meeting Brittany"

Kurt and Rachel looked at each other with big eyes, and then Rachel stood up right behind her.

"Is that really smart? Santana we know you still like her, it's obvious. I thought she told you she didn't want to try again?"

"Calm down, Barbara. I'm not going to kidnap her. We're going out for coffee. That's all" Santana said with a little bit of bitch in her voice.

She finished her mascara and took Kurt's car keys.

"I won't crash your car, promise" she said and smiled at him "See you later"

Santana drove for some minutes and then stopped outside the coffee shop. She parked the car and went inside.  
While inside she looked around everywhere for Brittany, but she was nowhere to be seen. She thought she could order a latte until she got here, she might have been stuck in traffic or something.

After ordering her latte and almost being finished with it, Brittany still didn't show up.

_"I don't get stood up. Not by anyone"_ Santana whispered to herself while typing on her phone.

She decided to send Brittany a text, asking why she's nearly an hour late. It wasn't like Brittany to do something like this.

"Would you like anything else?" a waiter who clearly had noticed Santana was done with her latte a long, long time ago asked

"Another latte" she said, not even looking up at the waiter. She just stared at her phone waiting for a answer from Brit.

Santana went to the bathroom to freshen up a little, it was really hot inside this place. She took a napkin and wiped her forehead gently, so she wouldn't ruin her make up and then under her eyes. She looked herself in the mirror. _I''ll wait for her some more minutes and if she doesn't show up soon, i'm going back home_ she thought.

She sat for another 30 minutes, this time taking it easy with the latte, not drinking it up too fast so she wouldn't look like she was being stood up, even though it was pretty obvious. However, 15 minutes later Santana's phone buzzed.

"I can't. Sorry"

All Santana could do was to think about all the reasons why Brittany possibly didn't want to show up. She said they were okay, she promised she was forgiven so why can't she? Santana took her stuff and stormed out of the café.

"Wow hey calm down, what's wrong with you?" Kurt says when Santana storms into his room.

"She can't? Really? I sit there for 2 whole hours looking like a stupid fuck and she can't? She can't what? Why did she do this?"

"Hold on hold on, wait, you got stood up by Brittany?"

"Yes. That's exactly what happened, and you know what? I waited, I didn't want to believe she would do that to me. But she did, and now I'm just really angry" Santana said while standing in front of Kurt with her hands in her hair "She said I was forgiven, Kurt. I didn't want it to end like that" she added and sat down next to him.

She had what you could call an emotional breakdown. With her head on Kurts chest the tears kept streaming down her face. This wasn't like Santana, she was always the strong girl, the one no one could break down, the coldhearted one, but not when it came to Brittany. Everyone knew the only one who could actually make her cry was Brittany, but no one thought she ever would, especially not Santana.

"Like, do I feel like I deserve this? I do, yeah. But she promised me, she promised we could be friends, that would be enough for now" Santana said and took the napkin Kurt offered to wipe the running mascara off her face.

"Santana, you know Brittany isn't like this. She's the sweetest girl ever, she must have had a good reason not to show up. Don't beat yourself up about it"

"I just miss her so much"

"I know. Although you're really sad right now, let's go out, catch a movie or something, it's way too early to be sad yet, it's not even 6pm" Kurt said and laughed.

He took Santana by her arm and they went out. He almost had to drag her up in order for her to even stand up but either way he managed. It was a really nice day, the weather is great, a bit too hot, but great. Everyone looked happy and you could see people going home from school and work, a typical Lima tuesday afternoon.

Kurt and Santana went for burgers and then watched a movie at the local cinema. It was some drama/love thing Kurt picked out. Santana had calmed down and just tried to think of anything else than what happened earlier. She wanted to let go of it.

"Should I text her and ask if she's okay? Maybe something happened?"

"Santana, let go. She isn't into it anymore, I'm sorry but you need tough love to get over her okay? I mean, you were with Dani for months and it got you back here again anyways. I'm just trying to help" Kurt said with a comforting voice, trying to be as supportive as he could.

Santana didn't even respond to that, she just kept walking beside him, they met Kurt's boyfriend outside the cinema when the movie was over. Kurt and the dark haired, thick eye-browed boy in front of him kissed, like they always did when they met and they decided to go for a snack somewhere. But Santana wasn't up for it, all she wanted right now was to go home and lay down, she asked Kurt if it was okay and he was totally fine with it. She took his home keys and walked towards his place. That's where she was staying while they were visiting Lima.

When Santana got into Kurt's room she laid down on his bed, he hates in when she does that _but to hell with it, it's not like he would find out_, she thought to herself. She picks up her phone and looks through her pictures. First, she deletes her photos with Dani, she still felt a bit crappy for using her like that, but she didn't want the past to haunt her present. Then she keeps scrolling, until she reaches the end of her camera roll. So many pictures, and every individual picture had it's own meaning. Memories are good to keep in your mind but sometimes they're just painful. She put down her phone on the nightstand and looked around in Kurt's room. She could hear noises from downstairs, it was probably Kurt's dad and stepmother, she ignored it and started to rifle around in his room, just like she always did when she slept over at other people's houses.

All the sudden she hears her phone ring. She turns around to pick it up and stares down at the screen and her heart skipped a beat. With a fully straight face she answers.

"Hey".


	5. The start of something old-new

Brittany knocked on the Hummel's residence. After 3 soft knocks Burt opened up.

"Hi, can I help you?" he said when he opened the door and saw Brittany standing there. He clearly didn't recognize her.

"It's me Brittany, I was in the Glee club with your son back in high school, remember? I'm here for Santana" Brittany said and gave a smile that could light up a whole room.

"Oh, right, right. Come in, she's upstairs in Kurt's room"

Brittany took slow steps toward Kurt's room, peeking in and seeing Santana sitting on his bed, nervously chewing on her nails.

"You know that's not good, chewing on your nails. I remember you told me that when I used to do it"

Santana looked up and saw Brittany standing there. She didn't have her hair in a pony tail this time. She was wearing light blue jeans, almost as blue as her eyes, a black, plain, pretty tight shirt and normal white sneakers.

"Hi, Brit"

Brittany sat down next to Santana, but not too close. They were both on each edge of the bed. Santana couldn't help but noticing the way Brittany chose to sit so far away from her. She shook the thought of it away and waited for Brittany to come up with a good explaination to why she did that to Santana.

"I was just not ready"

"Not ready? Jeez, Brit. It's not like I was going to ask you to marry me or anything"

They both burst into laughing but stopped the moment they realized why Brittany was here.

"You said you wanted to tell me something important on the phone. What was so important that couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

This time Brittany jumped a little bit closer to Santana, yet not face to face close.

"Umm, okay.. wow. This is kinda hard for me to say"

"What is it Brit? Come on, it's just me"

Brittany took a deep breath and looked at Santana, with a serious face. Her eyes got watery.

"Look, Santana, first of all, I'm really sorry for not showing up earlier today. I came to to the coffee shop, I was about to go in and then I saw you sitting there, waiting. I really wanted to come in and just sit and talk with you" Brittany said and put her thumb under her eye to prevent the tears from falling but it only made it worse. After she collected herself again she let out a tiny little laugh and continued "Truth is, I didn't want to walk in because the moment I saw you in the choir room, by the piano, I did see you... All those feelings came running back and I didn't know how to handle it all. I knew you already had a new girlfriend and I didn't want to ruin it between you two by trying to get you back"

Santana was both happy and sad right now. Happy, because she knew Brittany would come back to her own self, to _her _Brittany. Sad, because this was obviously hard for Brittany to say, and she didn't like to see her like this. She looked at Brittany and waited for her to keep going.

"When you told me you had broken up, you know, in Scandals? I got really happy. I know I sound selfish but I got so happy. I thought after all this time we could end up together, just like it's supposed to be"

Brittany didn't continue. She stopped there. She wiped her tears of her cheeks with her sleeves and looked up at Santana, admiring her brown, almost black, shiny eyes.

"I remembered, that you were the one who broke up... That you were the one who let go, I tried to comfort myself with Sam, it didn't work, nothing worked. I was so devastated. You broke my heart, Santana, you left me behind and it killed me. That's why I sent you a message saying I can't, I couldn't get into this again"

Santana looked at Brittany with the saddest eyes. She jumped in a bit closer and took her hand.

"Brit, you know how I feel about you. Honestly, I came back here because I heard you were coming back too, I wouldn't be in this hell-hole if you weren't coming. I know I hurt you, even worse, I hurt myself by leaving you. I know you can't fully trust me now, and I understand that. I just need to know if you ever will, again?"

Brittany squeezed Santana's hand and looked at her.

"I trust you" she said looking at her "I always knew in my heart you would come back"

"Me too" Santana whispered.

For the rest couple of minutes nothing was said, Santana hadn't let go of Brittany's hand yet either, they sat there looking at each other. All Brittany could think about was how she loved the way Santana's hair was shining, even in Kurt's dark, candle light room, how Santana's eyes got darker the longer she stared into them and how everytime Brittany smiled at her, she blushed. For Santana, it was the exact same, she observed Brittany's face, looking at her lips, then up at her eyes, then her nose and back at her lips again. Before Santana could do the one thing she was thinking about doing right now, kissing Brittany. Kurt comes in.

"Oops, I'll leave. Sorry" he says.

Santana couldn't be any angrier at Kurt for coming to the room just this moment, when everything started going the way she wanted it to go.

"No it's okay, I have to go now anyways" Brittany said and let go of Santana's hand.

She started walking downstairs and Santana followed.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow" Brittany said and left with a big smile and rosy cheeks.

Rachel sat by the laptop at her place and looked for plane tickets back to New York, complaining about how expensive they are.

"I can't stay for more than 2 more days, I'm missing too much of school right now, I haven't had any vocal practice in a week. How am I supposed to have my own broadway show if I don't practice? You know, Barbara never took breaks" Rachel said without even pausing between her sentences.

"We get it. Stop your gibberish, for gods sake I think my brain is bleeding"

Rachel just gave Santana the evil eye. Santana rolled her eyes and kept eating her breakfast.

"There's a flight on Wednesday morning. I'm booking three seats right now. You're all coming right?" Rachel said, pointing her sentence to Santana.

"Yeah we're both coming. I need to get back too. I have like 6 mails from our boss at the diner, you filled in the vacation papers Rachel, I just took my vacation without him knowing"

"Oh my god, Santana. Do you want to get fired?"

"Oh please, like he would fire me. I'm the reason that basement looking wannabe restaurant even has customers"

Rachel didn't argue with Santana, she just kept staring at her laptop.

"Done. We fly at 9 in the morning on Wednesday"

"Awesome" Kurt said, chewing on a all bran sandwich filled with nothing but tomatoes and cheese.

Now Santana was concerned about two things, Brittany's reaction to her leaving so soon and how she was going to tell her.


	6. You complete me

"Are you and Brittany back together?"

That was a complicated question Santana didn't have a 100% sure answer to.

"I have no idea. We had a moment here last night but we didn't get the chance to discuss it"

Santana looked at Kurt and Rachel with a confused face.

"Anyways, i'm going over to her place later today and i'll tell her that we're going back to New York tomorrow, and if she takes it well, i'll try to talk about where we stand"

Santana was really nervous, she was leaving tomorrow and she felt like a total douche, bringing Brittany back into her life and one day later, leaving for New York again.

* * *

When she drove over to Brittany's place she knocked on the door twice and stood out there for some minutes. Nobody opened, she knocked again and waited.

"Is she kidding me right now" she mumbled to herself.

She knocked one last time before exploding with anger and thirty seconds later Brittany opens up.

"What took you so long?"

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower" she said and put her wet hair in a little bun.

Brittany offered her tea or a soda, Santana picked the soda and they went straight to Brittany's room. They sat on Brittany's bed and Santana looked around the room.

"You still have the Britney Spears poster up" she said and pointed at the wall, laughing.

"I know, totally not ready to take it down yet" she said.

"I get this weird feeling sitting here, so many memories come back to me"

"Yeah.. We made a lot of memories here" Brittany said and gave away a playful smirk.

"Oh my god, Brittany" Santana said with laugh in her voice, she knew exactly what she was talking about but she didn't comment on it, she gave her a smile back and prayed in her mind for the power to bring the real subject up right now.

"I'm so happy that you're here" Brittany said and hugged Santana, with her arms around her Santana felt her whole body getting warmer and her heart beating louder. _Perfect_ she thought _this will bring me the courage to tell her.  
_Before Brittany even was ready to let go of Santana, she took a step back. Closing her eyes, trying not to ge too shaky.

"Santana, what's wrong?" Brittany said looking at her with worried eyes.

"Oh man. Brit, I love you so much"

"I love you too" she said back and put her hand on Santana's cheek leaning over for a kiss.

"No, wait" she took a slow but unusually deep breath "Brittany, I'm going back to New York.. Tomorrow"

Brittany didn't say anything, she just stared. She was so confused, what did Santana want from her?

"Brit, please. Say something" Santana said, fighting her hardest to not cry "This isn't another break-up" she said again.

"Exactly what is this then? You come here and we really get a good start, it lasts for a day and you drop a bomb like this. Great, Santana. Just great. Thanks a lot" Brittany said as she pushed herself up from the bed and stood, leaning her back on the wall just by the mirror.

Santana didn't get up. She still sat there, looking at Brittany. Trying to clear her mind up, she had such a messy mind right now and everything was going down the pipe.  
At last Santana stood up and walked over to Brittany, she felt safe because she knew Brittany couldn't back no matter how close to her Santana stood, the wall behind her was in the way.

"I want you to come with me"

None of them spoke for several seconds, seconds that felt like hours, all you could hear was the sound of them breathing.

"Sant-..."

"No, no, no. Hear me out" Santana said, putting her index finger over Brittany's lips to stop her from continuing her sentence "You wanted a new apartment, why not come to New York, move in with me, Rachel and Kurt until we find a place"

"_we..?_" she asked, so quiet she was almost whispering.

"Yeah, we. You and I" Santana said with a tiny smile on her lips and dimples showing on her cheeks.

Brittany lift her hand and let it run through Santana's hair.

"I don't know.." she said, still stroking Santana's hair.

"Just imagine, us two, in our own apartment in New York.. You could find a part time job, maybe I could talk to my boss, maybe he could let you work with us at the diner. It'll be amazing"

Brittany did love the thought of that, she loved it a lot, and she considered it.

"Are we ready for something like that, we kinda just got back together? I mean, if we are back together" Brittany said

"We are.. I want us to be. And Brit, it's not like we're strangers. I've known you since we started high school, you've been my girlfriend before.. We know each other, you know me better than anyone else does" Santana took a step closer to Brittany now, so close their noses were brushing against each other.

Brittany looked at Santana, right in the eyes. Waiting for that shy smile to come out, and it did not long after. She put her hand on Santana's cheeks and kissed her. She kissed her for the first time since they broke up, their lips touching, Brittany's hands on the wall just beside her head, Santana's hand palms pressed against Brittany's and both of them had their eyes closed. These moments, when they get intimate, when they're both vulnerable but trust each other enough to know they won't get hurt, those were the moments both Santana and Brittany cherished the most.


	7. New York

**This chapter was really short but you can expect more in the upcoming chapters! Enjoy**

* * *

"Wow, your place is great guys" Brittany said as she wandered around the apartment, touching almost everything she could see.

Rachel and Kurt nodded with smiles on their faces while staring at the TV and Santana just stood there watching her, also unpacking Brittany's huge bag.

"Oh my god Brit, you brought so much stuff, most of them are useless too" Santana said "Come on, let me show you our room" she added to her sentence and carried the bag with her.

Santana dropped the bag on the bed and waited for Brittany to say something about the room. It was pretty small but it was enough for them.

"There's only one bed?" Brittany said, smiling at Santana.

"What did you expect?" Santana answered, looking back at Brittany and shaking her head "Can you help me unpack your bag?"

"Oh yeah, sorry" Brittany said.

She opened up a drawer and threw a bunch of her clothes in. Santana just smiled, she was finally happy again. She had her soulmate back and nothing would ruin this, they would always have each other. She hoped.

Santana, Rachel and Kurt had taken their flight on Wednesday, like they decided. It was too late for Brittany to book tickets to the same flight so she took one on Friday the same week instead, which was today in the morning.

"Let's go to the diner, we can talk to my boss today instead because I work all day tomorrow" Santana said

They went out and Santana waved for a cab to stop for them with one hand and held Brittany's hand with the other.  
When the cab stopped outside the diner they went in, hand in hand, again. She looked at her right side to get a quick glimpse of Brit.

"Heeey Santana! Welcome back. How was your vacation? Oh wait, how did I know! You should be happy to have a friend as Rachel, she called in here and told me where you were"

"Right, great" Santana said and looked at him with a 'I really don't give a crap' expression "This is my girlfriend Brittany"

Santana's boss knew about Dani and her because they both worked at the diner so he was pretty shocked to see her with Brittany now, he obviously didn't know they broke up.

"Hi Brittany, I'm Gunther" he said and shook hands with her

"Nice to meet you, sir" she said and gave him a charming smile.

"Brittany just moved here, she lives with me, Rachel and Kurt" Santana said and squeezed Brittany's hand "I was wondering if she could get a job here, with us? She's a really fast learner and she's great with people"

"Yeah, she's right. I really am" Brittany said with a grin on her face.

"I don't know... We're pretty full right now"

"No, you just lost one waitress"

Santana and Brittany looked back and saw Dani. She stood there with a angry face and dropped her apron on the floor.

"I quit" she said and stormed out.

"Well... I guess it's your lucky day Brittany, you can start tomorrow. Just follow Santana's lead for the upcoming week or two until you're ready to work on your own. I gotta go back to work, see you girls tomorrow"

Brittany looked at Santana, really happy and excited about the fact that she just got a job, it was really easy too and even more perfect, it was with the love of her life.  
Brittany had never seen Dani before but she almost guessed that it was her who caused that scene.

"Was that your ex girlfriend?" she asked curiously

"It was" Santana said and started walking out of the diner with Brittany.

Instead of heading home, they just took a long walk in the streets of New York City, it was still early. Santana thought about what Dani had done, why did she quit, was it because she had brought Brittany back with her?

"I didn't know you met her at work"

"Do you even know anything about her though?" Santana said and raised her eyebrow a bit "We haven't really talked about her"

"Can we?"

Santana looked at her for a long time and started explaining it all, from the start until just one week ago.


	8. The garden

After Santana told Brittany everything they both decided to never talk about it again because it happened on both of thems worst period in their life.

"Are we going back home now?" Brittany asked after they sat on a bench for almost an hour, discussing.

"No, now that the boring part is over, I want us to have fun" Santana said and stood up, offering her hands to Brittany.

Brittany took Santana's hands and they kissed quickly on the lips. Santana took the lead and walked, always looking back, making sure Brittany is right behind her, and she was. She reached her hand for Brittany to hold and when she did Santana felt butterflies spreading all over her stomach. They never seem to go away. Everytime they hold hands, kiss or look into each others eyes, it still feels like the first time.

"Where are you taking me?" Brittany asked with a big smile on her lips.

"We're almost there. But you have to be careful now, sneak in right behind me"

They walked over a little bridge, went through a mini forest and Santana opened a little fence up and walked into their destination. A garden, a big beautiful garden with all kinds of flowers, a little pond and perfectly trimmed green grass.

"Oh my god.." Brittany said "This place is amazing"

"Just like you" Santana said and sat down on the grass "We're actually not allowed to come here, it's private property, not that I care, but it is"

"Won't we get into trouble if someone see's us?"

"If we're careful, the owner won't"

Brittany sat down in front of Santana. She took Santana's hand and kissed it, she kissed all the way up to her arm and from her arm up to Santana's neck.

"Brit.." Santana said and giggled.

"I know you like it" Brittany whispered into her ear.

Santana didn't even bother arguing, she did like it. After sucking on her neck for a while, probably also giving Santana a hickey, she laid down on the grass. She looked and Santana with a serious face and started patting the empty space on her left side.

"Lay down with me" she said.

Santana looked at Brittany, putting her hair behind her ear and laid down.

Brittany's hands wandered almost everywhere on Santana's body. From her thighs to her hips, from her hips to her stomach and at last she held her hand. They didn't say much, they just laid on the warm grass looking up at the sky.

"Isn't it weird that the whole world lives under the same sky, it's like the earth is a big house and the sky is our roof" Brittany said.

"It is like that, you're a genius" Santana said with laugh in her voice.

Brittany looked at Santana, smiled, and sat down on top of her, looking down on her perfectly shaped face, at least she thought it was. She raised her hand and started softly touching Santana's face with her fingertips, first her cheeks, then her nose and down to her lips. She kept her fingers there for a while, feeling Santana's soft lips, adoring her face. The only noises you could hear in this very isolated place was the sound of birds twittering and deep breaths being taken.

"I love it when you do that" Santana said quietly

"Do you love it when I do this?" Brittany asked and leaned her head down so she could kiss on Santana's lips.

Santana's breath was taken, she saw fireworks and heard nothing but the sound of Brittany's kiss.  
Brittany got very into the kiss and started kissing lower down on Santana's body everytime she took a breath.

"Brittany!" Santana screamed "Oh my god, not here"

"Come on, San. You always said you wanted to do it in a weird place. This is a kinda weird place to do this on" Brittany said and looked up on Santana from where her head was right now. Right between Santana's legs.

"No, no. THIS is not weird, this is risky" Santana said, not even changing her postition, it was like she wanted Brittany to unbutton her pants and get started.

"What's the worst thing that could happen?" Brittany asked, smirking up at Santana with the most seducing look in her eyes.

"Well, the old lady who lives here could see two lesbians having sex in her precious garden and get a heart attack" Santana said and this time she sat down properly.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to kill an old lady" Brittany said and laughed "Fine then" she said and sat down next to Santana.

"Let's leave" Santana said and stood up.

Her and Brittany sneaked out of the garden. They walked home instead of taking a cab, it wasn't that far away from where they lived.

"I'm not finished with you" Brittany whispered into Santana's ear, gently stroking her arm before she unlocked the door to the apartment.


	9. Moments After

When they walked into the apartment Brittany pushed Santana on the wall and started to first take Santana's yellow top off and then she went on to her pants. She now started to caress Santana's body with her hands. Santana let out a soft, yet, not too loud moan.

"No, Brittany, stop. Rachel and Kurt are gonna be here soon" Santana whispered.

"I don't care, I want you now" she said "You're coming with me"

Brittany pulled Santana with her to their bedroom, in only her underwear Santana got pushed on the bed. Santana pushed Brittany of her and started to undress her really quickly, she felt turned on by Brittany right now. Her breath kept getting heavier by every move she made. After Santana finished undressing her, Brittany took the lead again and sat on top of Santana on the bed. She pulled her fingers through Santana's soft hair, started to kiss her neck and slowly as she went lower and lower by every kiss she gave. She unhooked Santana's bra and threw it on the floor while giving Santana a seductive look that pretty much explained what was coming for her.

"What are you waiting for? Kiss lower" Santana said with desperate voice.

Brittany grin as she goes lower with her lips to Santana's hipbone, there, there, she stops.

"Stop teasing me, Brit"

"Beg for it" Brittany said

First, Santana protested and didn't do what Brittany told her to do. After a while, knowing she wouldn't get what she wanted unless she listened to her.. She gave in.

"Please Brittany. I beg you"

"That's not enough" Brittany said.

"Please" she moaned while looking into her blue eyes with a frown "I want you"

Brittany continues without answering, she moves lower and lower until she meets Santanas soft spot. She knows it's her soft spot because that's when she starts to twist her body.

"Give me more" Santana groaned

"You like this, huh?" Brittany teases as she seperates Santana's legs from each other. She moves her head closer to Santana's core, looks up into her eyes and starts playing with it with her tongue. She feels the sweet and musky taste from her already being wet.

Santana's body is shivering and she moans even louder this time. She can feel the way Brittany's tongue is twisting and turning inside her. Suddenly, she takes out her tongue.

"Why did you stop?"

Once again, Brittany doesn't answer. She keeps the grin on her face and points one finger out to shove it inside Santana, slowly and carefully so she won't hurt her. One more finger slips in and Santana squeals.

"Does it hurt?" Brittany asks.

"No, keep going, faster" Santana demands.

Brittany does what she says and fingers faster and deeper. She gets turned on by watching Santana being pleasured. It gets more intense by each second that passes, especially since they haven't done this in a really long time.

"Faster, _faster_!" she screams.

Brittany shoves in both of her fingers harder and faster, scissors them and curves them so that she touches her G-spot. Santana is now really close, her body is trembling and legs are shaking. Liquid is dripping down Brittany's fingers.

"Brit, I'm so close, you have to continue".

Brittany pulls out her fingers quickly.

"Are you going to tease me again?".

"No wait. I heard something, I think someone is here".

"Trying to scare me won't work" Santana said.

Brittany gets up from the bed and with a shocking look in her face she sees the doorknob get pushed down.


	10. Will you ever get it?

Santana's POV

I can't believe this. I have never in my whole life been this embarrassed. Why would they just open the door like that? This is ridiculous.

"So, are we going to talk about what we just saw?" Kurt said

I looked at him with big eyes and ignored his stupid question. I took my coffee cup and sat on the couch, next to Brittany. Kurt stood right in front of me with the biggest, most annoying smile on his face.

"I'm happy you're having fun, sorry you couldn't finish" he said, laughing, probably visualizing what I looked like when he opened the door to my room.

"Look here, ladypants. What me and Brittany did in there has nothing to do with you, okay?"

He just walked away and ignored my answer. I leaned my head on Brittany's shoulder and closed my eyes. This was the only way I could relax.

"Are you tired?" Brittany asked

"Yes, but not sleepy. I'm just a little exhausted" I answered with a yawn.

"That sounds like you're pretty tired babe"

I just smiled and gave in, I was tired but I didn't want to sleep yet, I wouldn't want to miss a single second with Brittany. I'll sleep when she does.

"Santana?"

"Yes?" I said and removed my head from her shoulder, it just made me sleepier.

"Are you happy?"

"I've never been happier" I said and looked at her with a serious face "Why are you asking?"

"I just feel like you've been unhappy ever since we met. You're not yourself" She said and gave a concerned smile.

"What do you mean?"

I didn't remove my eyes from her, I kept staring at Brittany as she tried to figure out how to explain this to me.

"I feel like i'm disappointing you" she said and looked at me with no face expression at all. I couldn't tell if she was sad or just emotionless during this moment.

"What? Brit, don't think like that. I'm always happy when I'm with you and nothing you do could ever disappoint me. I love you too much to even think like that"

Brittany threw herself into my arms and started weeping like a child.

"Don't cry baby, it's okay" I whispered into her ear and gave her a tighter hug.

I heard the apartment door closing, Kurt had left, for once he understands when he should leave and not bother me.

"So you're really happy?" she said and whiped her tears away with one of the napkins that was lying on the table.

"Like I said before, happier then ever"

Brittany smiled vaguely and looked at me with tearful eyes, the fact that they were watery made them look even more blue then they did earlier. I can't stop looking at them and I won't either because I know she doesn't mind.  
I placed my hands on her cheeks so she would look into my eyes.

"Listen to me Brittany, to every single word I'm about to say because I mean all of this"

Brittany looked right into my eyes and her blushed cheeks felt warmer than before.

"You're really special to me, I've told you a million times before and I'm telling you now. Every single day since I saw you for the first time, you've been on my mind. It started of as a harmless crush and it led to this, me loving you more than anything else in this boring and rotten world, you make my life worth living" I said and took her hand, I held it and placed it right over my chest, where she could feel my heartbeat. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be gone a long time ago. You saved me so many times, you talked to me when no one else would and you listened to me when I just needed someone to listen. All those things are what made sure that you actually do love me, that I wasn't just _anyone_ to you"

"You're not just anyone..." Brittany said with a low voice, so low that if I wasn't 2 inches away from her face, I wouldn't hear what she said.

"I know, I know that" I said and pressed her hand against my chest. "Do you feel that?"

"Yes" she said and smiled at me, then took my hand and placed it on her chest as well "Do you feel that?" she said

"I do" I answered and smiled right back at her. "This is why I trust you. I know that everytime my heart is beating this fast, your heart is too" I waited for her to say something and when I noticed that she wouldn't I continued "So don't you ever, _ever_ again feel like you're disappointing me or that you're not enough for me, just remember that without you I'm nothing"

Today was Brittany's first day at work and I think I was even more excited than she was.

"You look really cute in this outfit" I said to her as I was changing into my job clothes.

"You too" she said and kissed me on the back of my head as she helped me tie my apron on.

We went out to the tills and I showed her how they worked, then the coffee machines and everything else she needed to know. She learned everything really fast and could start working on her own without me by her side just after one hour of supervising. I have to admit, I could get used to this. Having Brittany around at work made the hours go faster.

"You can go finish clearing the tables and mop the floor, I'll clean up in here and we can take a break for 30 minutes while the other employees take our shift" I said to Brittany after we had worked for almost three hours.

The kitchen is so messy, I honestly don't even want to touch wet food because it's disgusting, but if I don't pick this crap up someone will tell the boss and he'll go all Mr. Perfect on my ass.

Finally, after throwing the trash, garbage bags and filling the dish washer, I was ready for my break.

"Are you done, Brit?" I said and walked out and stood behind the tills, leaning on the counter.

"Be right there" she said and came walking towards me with a mop in her hands

"Great job" I said and gave her silent applauds "You're doing really well"

"You think?" she asked with, you could tell that she was happy by the way she said it.

"Of course" I said and we went for our break.

We had our lunch, little talks and it was already time to get back again. We were four people working today, three serving and one cashier.

"What the hell is she doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" I said, shocked over the fact that she came back.

"I work here, remember?"

Dani had her job clothes on and everything, as if she never quit.

"You don't work here. You quit when Brittany came looking for a job, she got your spot so you have nothing to do here"

Dani looked at me like I was crazy.

"Are you dreaming? That never happened" she said and laughed right at my face.

"Get out, Dani" I said and pointed to the door "We're working, we don't have time for bullshit"

She just looked confused at this point. She looked around and when she spotted Brittany she went straight up to her and gave her a light push.

"You! You ruined everything"

I go running up to them and stand in front of Brittany, protecting her from whatever Dani was trying to do.

"Don't touch her" I said, looking at her with the most honest eyes and my most serious face.

"I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here, blondie" she screamed again, totally ignoring what I said and the fact that I was standing right in front of Brittany.

"What have I ever done to you?" Brittany asks, pushing herself in front of me so she could look at Dani when she spoke to her. "You don't even know me"

Dani looked furious right now.

"I know enough about you to know. First, you steal my girlfriend and now you think you can get my job?" she said to Brittany with a grin on her face.

"I didnt stea...-"

"Just stop talking" she said and gave Brittany a hard slap right on the face.

By now, every single person inside the diner was watching this little fight.

"Are you out of your mind?" I yelled and pushed Dani away. "Oh my god, Brittany, are you okay?" I said and tried to spot something on her cheek, I wanted to see if Dani hurt her.

"I'm okay" she said. I wasn't surprised Brittany didn't hit Dani back, she was a peaceful person who loved anything but violence.

"Get out, get out _now_" I said and pulled Dani out by her arm.

I didn't give a rats ass about anyone who was watching us. If you hurt my girlfriend, I won't let you get away with it.

"God is giving me the power not to slap the living shit out of your face right now, just so you know. If you ever touch her again, or even speak to her, I will end you. Got it?" I said and looked into her eyes with nothing else but hate.

"You're gonna regret this" she said and tried her best not to cry, I found it hilarious.

"You know Dani, I did like you. You were a cool person. But this, seeing you act like this made me change my mind about you. I never hated you before" I looked back and got relieved when I saw that no one was looking anymore, just Brittany, she was on her way to us but I gestured her with my hands, letting her know that she should stay inside.

"Can you tell me why I wasn't enough for you?" Dani asked

"You're not her" I answered, simple and honest.

When our full shift ended and we got home I went straight to the freezer to take out a bag of frozen berries, I placed them on Brittany's cheek so the red would go away.  
How hard did she get slapped? I've never seen anything like this, not since my abuela slapped me for eating all the m&m's in the house when I was 10.

"Thank you" Brittany said as I kept holding it for her.

A knock on the door broke the silecne in the kitchen.

"Hold this, I'll go open" I said and walked towards the door.

When I opened up there was no one there, all I could see was a letter on the floor. I picked it up and started reading.


	11. The Letter

_"To_ _Santana._

_I see you like playing the bad guy. Always have been, haven't you? It's time to spice things up a little._

_I know who you love. I know how to hurt you. You can either let me do what I'm going to do, you'll know what when the time is right or I'll take her away from you, I'll hurt her and when I'm done hurting her I'll start hurting you. When I say hurt I don't mean hurt you so you get a heartache, I mean hurt you in ways you can't even imagine. I will ruin her, torture her, make her suffer and you will watch. You will see every little thing" _

Santana and Brittany just stood there, staring at the letter before reading the rest of it.

"This is just a sick joke that psycho bitch is pulling, let's not even bother reading the rest" Santana said and threw the letter on the floor.

Brittany didn't want to stop reading it yet, she wanted to know what else it said so she picked it up and read the rest of it.

_"Funny part is, I don't even feel bad about writing this, about planning this whole thing. You deserve it, you deserve every single thing that's coming for you. _

_Scaring me won't work, I got nothing to lose, so your little threats on the street before was just a little pep talk.  
You know exactly who I am now, don't you? And hey, I'm not the only one behind this. You're surrounded. _

_Sleep tight, honey" _

__Brittany walked up to Santana with the letter in her hands, she wasn't scared either, she just thought it was creepy of her to send a letter like this and it wasn't even a long time ago they had their little scene inside the diner. She was fast.

"Why are you bringing this to me? I don't want to read her stupid letter"

"But Santana, this girl needs help. She's obviously obsessed with you" Brittany said and sat down in front of Santana on the chair in front of the kitchen table.

"She's not obsessed with me, she's playing around. I know her. Ignore her and all she does, we don't have time for her shit" Santana said and opened the fridge "You want a drink?"

"No" Brittany stood up and looked into Santana's eyes "Santana, I'm serious.. What if she actually wants to hurt us?"

"She couldn't even if she tried, don't take her serious. Just stop thinking about it" Santana said and put her bottle of coke on the kitchen counter so she could wrap her arms around Brittany. "I won't let anything happen to you"


	12. Moving Out

Santana's POV

"Put the boxes here, Brit. We should start unpacking right away to get it over with"

Brittany and I put the boxes down at our new apartment. It wasn't really big but it was enough for both of us. I think it's perfect to be honest. It's a one bedroom apartment, there's a tiny cute kitchen and a little living room, there's a couch and a TV there. The place was already furnished when we bought it, the people who lived here before us said it would cost only 200 dollars extra for all furniture + the TV. It was a good deal. The walls were white, in all rooms, no paintings or other art on the walls. Kind of boring but still okay. We started putting our clothes in the drawers inside the bedroom and around 2 hours later we were done with unpacking and cleaning up even though the people before us said the place was clean.

"Ugh, I'm exhausted" I said and puffed.

"Is there any food in here?" Brittany asked and laid down on the couch, using my legs as a pillow.

"No, we should go buy some breakfast stuff and chinese take out or something for dinner, what do you say?" I said and put my hand on her forehead

"Sounds good to me, do you wanna go now?" She asked and smiled up at me.

"Get up then" I said and giggled, slowly pushing her head off my thighs even tho I actually wanted to stay like this.

We stood up and got ready to go out. I put my black leather jacket on and Brittany put her blue down jacket on, I took her hand as I locked the apartment door and we went out to shop.

While in the supermarket, things started to feel weird, I felt like I was being watched.

"Brit, don't you think anything is weird?"

"What do you mean?" She answered.

"It feels like someone is watching us, following us" I said

She took a pack of ceral, a bag of toast bread and we paid.

"This place is really cheap" She said when we walked out, heading towards the chinese food place.

"It's some Indian dude who owns it, didn't you notice he sounds just like Apu from The Simpsons?" I said and smiled because of the sound of Brittany's laugh.

We walked into the chinese food place and I ordered beef noodles, Brittany ordered fried chicken with rice and sweet and sour sauce. Again, we paid and this time we walked home.

"I swear to God someone is following us, Brit"

"Santana, are you sure you're not just paranoid?" Brittany said

"No, don't look back now but there's a girl behind us and she's been following us since we were at the supermarket" I said and started walking faster.

"It's probably nothing, let's go in babe" Brittany said so I wouldn't feel worried and we went into the apartment.

We sat down on the little kitchen table and started eating our food.

"Oh my god I was starving" I said as I chewed on small piece of beef.

"Can I taste that?" Brittany said and looked at me

"Of course" I said and twirled the noodles in the fork and fed her.

She just smiled at me and slurped.

"Was it good?" I asked curiously

"Really good" She answered and put a piece of fried chicken on the fork, dipped it in the sweet and sour sauce and pointed it to my mouth.

I gaped, chewed on it and munched so she would know I liked it. She smiled at me and went back to eating her food as I did the same. When we were done we threw the left overs in the trash can under the sink.

I took Brittany's hand and led her to the couch, I was in a cuddle mood and I chose a movie for us to watch, I chose a scary one because I know she liked to protect me when I was scared of movies and whispering things in my ear, things like_ don't be scared, I'm here honey._ Not everyone knows I get easily scared of movies, but Brittany knows all my deepest secrets.

"Oh crap" Brittany said just when we were going to sit down.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I think I dropped my phone in the supermarket or something" she said and stood up, wandering around the apartment, looking everywhere for it "I can't find it, San"

"But let's go to the supermarket and ask if they've seen it, otherwise we can check at the chinese place" I said and stood up quickly.

"No, you stay here. Fix the popcorn and put the sodas in the freezer so they're cold for when I get back, I'll be here soon. Okay?" she said and put her jacket on

"No, I'm coming with you" I told her with a stuck up attitude and took my jacket from the coat-hanger that was just beside the door.

I was going to put it on but Brittany stopped me.

"I really want you to stay here. Please just fix everything and so it's ready when I come back and we can cuddle and watch the movie"

I protested for almost 10 minutes but she just would not give up. At last I gave in and let her go.

"If you're not back in 20 minutes I'll come after you" I said and looked her in the eyes.

"I'll be back in 15" she said and kissed me on the lips.

I locked the door behind her and started popping the popcorn, put our favorite sodas in the freezer and put the cd inside the DVD player, pausing so the movie wouldn't start without Brittany. All I could do now was wait for her to come back. She should be here in 10 minutes or something.


	13. Safe

Brittany's POV

I went to all places possible. The phone wasn't anywhere so I headed back home.

"Hey! You!" someone yelled when I walked away from the supermarket. I turned around and saw a brown man waving at me.

"Is this your phone?" He asked

"Yes, I thought you said you didn't have it" I answered. It was the man who worked at the supermarket. He didn't have it when I was there just some moments ago.

"A girl just came by and left it here, I guess you're lucky" he said with an indian accent, smiling at me and handing the phone over.

"I guess so. Thanks a lot, Sir"

This must be my lucky day. I hurried back home so Santana didn't have to worry too much, I was already late. I pressed on the home button and unlocked the phone. I decided to call Santana and tell her I found the phone.

"San, great news babe, I found the phone" I said.

"Oh blondie... I'm glad you're happy"

"Who's this? Where is Santana?" I responded to the girl who picked up.

"Honey, you didn't call Santana" the girl said with a calm voice.

"Who the hell are you?" I said as I ran to the apartment.

"Stop running, you might fall and break something" she said, laughing right after the sentence this time.

I just hung up and kept running, I ran up the stairs and unlocked the door.

"Santana?" I yelled as I pushed the door open "Santana where are you?" I said again a bit louder this time.

"I'm here, what's wrong with you" Santana said and walked out of the bathroom.

I walked up to her and hugged her so hard.

"I'm so happy you're here" I said and hugged her even harder.

"Why wouldn't I be here?" Santana said and twisted her way out of my arms.

"I called you and someone else picked up"

"You called me? I didn't get a call" she said and picked her phone up.

"That's my point. I don't know who it was" I said and looked at her, waiting for a reaction.

"Where did you find the phone?" Santana asked me

"The supermarket guy gave it to me, he said some girl dropped by with it"

"Show me my phone number" she said, still very calm.

I showed her the number and this time she started breathing heavier, looking more confused and she talked faster.

"What the hell is happening" Santana said and sat down

"The girl on the phone was watching when I called you, or, well her. I was running here and she told me to stop running.. She also called me blondie, didn't Dani call me blondie when we had that little argument inside the diner?"

"That bitch.. She must have changed my number in your phone" Santana stood up and started looking for numbers in her phone.

"Santana stop worrying. What if it wasn't even her?" I said, trying to calm her down.

I had never seen Santana this angry. I did all I could to stop her from walking around the apartment, waiting for the call.

"Stop Brittany. I won't calm down until she calls back" she said and walked up to the door, peeking out the window "I told her to stay away from you"

After around 3 minutes of horrible stress Santana's phone ringed.

"What's your problem?"

She didn't even say hello or anything. She cut the small talk and went straight to business, that's one of the reasons I find her so amazing.

"Stay away, are you stupid or what? I told you to stay away" she said on the phone, pointing her finger in the air as if Dani could see her "Really? You can't do shit. Show your face and i'll fucking drown you in bleach"

Santana hung up and sat down on the couch, I went and sat next to her.

"Sooo... Movie now?" I said just to make her laugh

"Yeah, sure. Anything but _that"_ she said and curled up in my arms.

She pressed play on the remote control and just by the intro of the movie she got scared. She pressed herself even closer to me and I held her tighter. I kinda know why Santana always chose scary movies, she wanted me to make her feel safe like this during creepy movies. I don't care about scary movies, I see them as a way to get cuddly with Santana. I brushed my nose on her neck, breathing her smell. It was heavenly. It was like a mix of strawberries and.. _Santana._ I could feel her neck and arms shivering when I did that, I smiled because I knew that meant she liked it. I tried to do everything to make her forget about what happened.

She jumped up and put her hand on her chest.

"Oh my god I nearly got a heart attack" she said and looked at me "Who the hell is it now? Do we ever get a break" she stood up, paused the movie and walked towards the door to open it up.

"I know you're in there" the person on the other side said.

The moment she heard that she freezed. Without making any noise she walked back to me.

"Who is it?" I said

"Sschh.. Wait" she whispered.

"Santana, what are you doing?" I whispered and watched her open the kitchen drawer, she took out a big meat knife and walked towards the door.

"Santana! No, it could be anyone"

"Calm down, I won't stab them, I'm just gonna scare them like they're trying to scare us" she said and slowly walked towards the door with light steps.

"Open up!" the person yelled again and pounded on the door like they were punching it "I can hear you!" this time it sounded like they were trying to kick the door open.

I looked at Santana, worried about what was going to happen next.

"Be careful" I said, walking right behind her.

She opened the door and raised the arm she held the knife in so the person behind the door would back off immediately the second they saw her.


	14. So Long

"Back off you filthy bitch!" Santana yelled looking as she pushed the door open

"Calm down! Oh my god! What the hell are you doing?" Kurt said.

Kurt, really. It was Kurt.

"Why did you sound like a woman that has been smoking for 50 years?" Brittany said and looked at Kurt "You kinda scared us"

"No, the real question is why in the name of God were you holding a knife at my face?" he said and walked in.

"We thought you were someone else" Santana said

"Oh.. Wow. Well, I just came over to drop this over" he said and put a box of CD's and other useless crap on the couch.

"I left these on purpose. But thanks" she answered

"Why don't you stay for a while? We're watching a movie?" Brittany said to him.

"No no, you go back to... whatever you were doing. Blaine is waiting downstairs. See you girls later" he said, hugged us and left.

They went back and sat on the couch, the movie played and just that moment, when Santana had cuddled herself into Brittany's arms again her phone beeps. She reaches for it and opens the text message. It's just a simple message telling her to come down, it was Dani's number. She wrote that she wants to apologize about everything and she brought a box of Santana's stuff that were in her place.

"It's Dani, she wants to say sorry, she also brought my stuff. I'll be back in 3 minutes and whoever tries to bother us then will get a slap right on the face" Santana said and stood up.

"I'm coming down with you" Brittany said and walked with her the to the door.

"No, stay here babe. You know how jealous she gets. I want her to be able to apologize without starting a fight with you or me. Plus it's just down here in the building. I'll be back in a bit" Santana said and kissed Brittany's cheek.

* * *

She walked down the stairs to meet up with Dani, when Santana reached the bottom floor she saw her standing there with a shy smile and a box of stuff in her hands. She walks up to her, standing in front of her with a fair distance between them both.

"Look Santana, I'm sorry about everything. I never meant to hurt you like that, or Brittany"

She just looked at her, no words came out of Santana's mouth. She had nothing to say.

"Here are your things" she said and handed the box over to Santana and smirked, her eyes now wandered behind Santana's back. It looked like she was looking at someone. Santana looked back but no one was standing there.

"You know" she said and looked back right into Santana's eyes "I told you, you would regret this"

Everything went black for Santana and she fell on the floor. She was unconscious.

"My sweet, _sweet_ angel" Dani whispered and ran her hands through the hair of Santana who was lying on the floor without making a single move "Carry her out with me" Dani said.


	15. Lost

Santana's POV

I could start hearing voices and feel my eyes slowly opening. I had no idea where I was right now, I was lost, I felt ill and I was confused. I didn't make a move yet, I kept listening to the voices in the background.. I couldn't hear a lot but it was a woman's voice and another one but I couldn't quite figure out if it was a man or a woman.

''Oh no no no, not there you stupid idiot!'' I heard the woman yell. And just by that I knew, it was Dani.

I started to move now, I slowly stood up and got dizzy immediately. This place, it looked like a basement. It was dark, there were absolutely no windows, the only light it had came from the reading lamp on the left corner of a small table. I took some steps forward, the headache only got worse. I was so thirsty. I looked around the rest of the room, there was no bed, no kitchen, nothing a home should have so this was no one's apartment. But, there was a chair in the middle of the room and a nasty couch pushed to the wall at the other end of the room.

"Well well, look who's up" Dani said and walked up to me.

"Where am I?" I asked calmly, I couldn't freak out yet.. I was still dizzy, I couldn't even see Dani properly.

"This is your new home" she said and laughed so loud my head felt like it was going to explode.

"I'm thirsty" I said without even looking up at her.

I leaned against the wall and held my head with my hands.

"Ha, you always have been. Haven't you?" Dani answered and handed me over a glass of water and a pill "The pill is for the awful headache you must be having, you got hit pretty hard on that gorgeous little head of yours"

I wasn't sure I even should take a pill from a lying, manipulative bitch like Dani. But I did. And it helped.  
As soon as I felt better, which was around 5 minutes after I took the pill and drank the glass empty. I started freaking out. Without even noticing it myself.

"Where the fuck am I, Dani?!" I said and walked up to her so I stood right in front of her face "Where's Brittany?" I whispered this time "Where is she?" I repeated.

"Probably out somewhere, looking for her precious Santana.. How sweet" Dani said and took a step closer to me "You can't scare me, we're in my territory now. I own you" She said and put both her hands on my cheeks and pressed her lips against mine.

I pushed her away and slapped her face with all the strength in my body "What the fuck! Don't touch me!" I ran back to the wall and she just stood there, smiling like she just saw an angel, or in her case a little devil "You don't own me. Let me out of here! Now!" I said and this time I fought very hard to keep my voice straight.

"Oh but you see, I do. No one can find you, nobody cares about you. Only Brittany, and she's probably to stupid to find you anyways. Isn't she.. A bit stupid?" She walked up to me again, face to face "Admit it, Santana. Isn't she?"

"No. She's the smartest person I've ever met, she's a genius. The only stupid thing is me, for ever being together with a fucked up bitch like you" I whispered calmly and waited for her respond. She took her time with that.

She didn't even answer, she dragged me by the arm and sat me on the chair that was right in the middle of the room, around 7 meters from a door.

"Let's get started. Philip, get out here and start filming!" she shouted

A guy in his 20's came out of a corner with a little digital camera in his hands. He had brown, very curly hair, brown eyes, bushy eyebrows and big scar under his lips.

"Now..?" He said with a light voice. No wonder I couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman.

"Now." Dani commanded

I heard the noise from the camera, it had started filming. I tried to stand up but Dani slapped my face. Not only once but twice, first on my left cheek and the second time she hit me by the ears.

"Sit the fuck down, sweetcheeks. We're just getting started" she said and smirked.

She opened the big blue bag she had with her and took out handcuffs. She took my hands and brought them together, first, she handcuffed them. After that she took out a white, thick rope and tied my handcuffed hands around the chair. She wanted to make sure I wouldn't be able to get off, I guess.

"What are you doing to me?" I said with a sore voice.

She didn't answer, the guy who was filming moved now so the camera filmed the whole scene, not only my face.  
Dani took out a cigarette and started smoking, blowing the smoke right on my face.

"Brittany's gonna love this one" she said and took one last puff off the cigarette.

She now sat on her knees and looked at me with serious eyes, she took the cigarette and pressed it on my bare arm.

I couldn't help but screaming, it hurt so much.

"Please stop" I said, trying my best not to cry.

"Oh honey, you know I can't stop when I've started something.." she said and asked Philip to come closer with the with the camera "say hello to Brittany" she said and pressed the cigarette right on my cheek this time. I tried to prevent myself from screaming but I couldn't, the cigarette burned me and something about her mentioning Brittany made me cry this time.

"Please, stop it" I sobbed.

Before she stood up and asked Philip to stop filming, she stroked my cheek and touched the red mark from the cigarette with her thumb.

"See this right here, it's something to remember me by for the rest of your life" she said and licked it with the top of her tongue "now say goodbye to the camera"

I didn't look up. I was to embarrassed. Disgusted. I don't know if she would send this to Brittany or whatever but I just didn't want her to see me like this.

"I said, say goodbye" she said and dragged my head back by my hair.

"Goodbye" I said and felt myself breaking.


	16. Clues

Brittany sat down on the kitchen chair. Just sitting. With no face expression, she thought about what she just saw. The video. She thought about it and she couldn't stop.

Some hours before Brittany had gotten a text message from an unknown number. She didn't know how this person, most likely Dani, even got her phone number but she did and it was nothing but creepy. The text message only said '_check your e-mail, blondie_". Brittany did so and opened the file Dani had sent her from yet again, an unknown e-mail adress. She watched the full video, 2:26 minutes and every second that passed made her feel sicker and sicker. Surprisingly, it didn't make her cry at first. She was just shocked, _how could a person be that cruel, that heartless? _Brittany thought about the message Dani added to the video "_keep checking your mail for updates" _just the thought of them doing worse things to Santana made her even more stressed.

"911 emergancy. How can we help you?"

"I need help. Someone kidnapped my girlfriend"

Brittany felt like she didn't have a choice and maybe, _just maybe _the police could help her find Santana, or at least give her clues. Otherwise she would have to do this all by herself, and she was willing to in order to find Santana.

"Welcome, have a seat and I will ask you a couple of questions. You said your girlfriend was kidnapped?"

Brittany sat down on the chair in front of the police officer in his office.

"Yes, and I don't know where she is. All I have is a video of the girl who kidnapped her, torturing her.." Brittany said and looked eagerly at the police officer.

"Did you bring the video?" he asked

"She sent it to my mail. If I can get access to a computer here I can show it to you right now" Brittany answered.

The police officer went out of the room for a minute or two and returned with a laptop in his hands.

"Here you go" he said and placed it in front of her.

She logged into her e-mail and looked through her inbox, the video had disappeared. She kept looking but no tracks of the video were found.

"Is there a problem?"

"It's.. gone?" Brittany said and logged out "I promise, Sir, the video was sent to me earlier today. I promise"

The officer just looked at her with angry and confused eyes. He thought she was messing with him.

"Do you know anything about this girl kidnapper?" he asked after a long moment of silence.

"Her name is Dani"

"That helps a lot" he said with a sarcastic tone in his voice. "Look, I will do my best to find out more about this, I understand that you're sad about losing your girlfriend but if you could get me more information about this girl, or find the video you claim to have. It would be great" he said and stood up.

"Okay, I can try" she said and handed the laptop back to him.

"Here's my office number, if you find something helpful, just call in"

"Thank you" she said and walked towards the door.

"Have a nice day" he said and Brittany just waved back.

It looks like Brittany has to do this by herself.

_How did she make the video disappear, I honestly don't get it._ Brittany walked home from the police station, she felt like it would help her clear her mind and try to find a way to Santana.

_Okay, let's see. What do I remember about the room.. It was dark. That's all. _Nothing about her memory of the video could help her find it. Then she thought of it, she should find out where Dani lives.

Brittany made her way down to the diner to speak to their boss, he should know. She had to lie so she wouldn't make this a "thing" for everyone to talk and worry about, she didn't want to start a any rumors. She told her boss that she needed Dani's address so she could drive there and pick up a box of Santana's stuff because Santana didn't want to do it. He fell for it and Brittany thanked God he didn't ask why Santana couldn't give her the address. He wrote it down on a small piece of paper and gave it to her.

Brittany didn't even hesitate to go down there immediately, she thanked him and left. She called for a cab and gave him the note so he knew where to drive.  
When they had reached the right place Brittany got off and walked up to the house, she didn't live in a apartment like Brittany and Santana. She walked up to the door, number 47, looked back and knocked.

After a few seconds a middle-aged woman came to the door. She was short, had dark hair and reminded a little bit of Santana's grandmother.

"How can I help you?" she asked, with a pretty rude tone.

"I'm here for Dani, I'm a friend of hers" Brittany said and swallowed the big lump in her throat.

The woman by the door just looked at Brittany with small eyes. She seemed a bit suspicious.

"Dani is not here. Who are you?" she asked and took a look behind her.

"My name is Brittany. Are you sure Dani isn't in? I really need to talk to her"

"I said she isn't at home. Wha-"

Before she could continue Brittany cut her off in the middle of her sentence.

"But do you know where she is? Please this is very important" Brittany said and tried to stay calm.

"No I don't know" the woman, Dani's mother, said and slammed the door right in front of Brittany's face.

"Excuse me? I really need your help!" Brittany said and knocked on the door again.

After being ignored several times she left and waited for a cab to drive by, luckily, one did and she didn't have to call for one to pick her up. She waved and it stopped in front of her.

While in the cab, on her way to the apartment to find more clues about where Dani could be hiding with Santana, she got a text.

_'Nice try, better luck next time, blondie' _

Brittany didn't do anything. She just got up when the cab driver stopped, gave him the money and walked to the apartment.

She called Rachel, hoping she would know more about Dani, sadly, she didn't. She called Kurt too, and she just got the same disappointing news. There was no one else she could ask.

Brittany sat down for some minutes and it hit her, Santana didn't bring her phone down with her. She must have Dani's number in there. The number Dani had texted from wasn't the same, when Brittany tried to call it, it just sent her to the voice machine.

_Where is that phone, come on. It has to be here somewhere_, she thought. Finally, she found it. It was under the covers on the bed. She unlocked it and started looking for Dani's number, she found it and called her instantly.

"Hello, hello? Is someone there? I can hear you breathing!" Brittany said when Dani answered the phone.

"I- um..." It sounded like a guy. Brittany was confused.

"Who is this? Where is Dani?" Brittany said with a angry voice.

"You called the wrong number" the guy on the other line said.

"Stop messing with me, hand the phone over to her. Now!" Brittany couldn't stop herself from raising her voice. She had enough of this. Yet she didn't know, it had only begun.

The guy on the other line didn't say anything, she could her him mumble, "_you stupid idiot, give me the phone'_ she heard a girls voice was talking to someone else. At last, Dani took the phone from him.

"Hi blondie" Dani said with a happy, _very_ happy voice. As if she was waiting for this call.

"Where are you keeping her?" Brittany said directly.

All she could hear from the other line was a laugh.

"I'm not joking, tell me now" she commanded

"Why would I tell you? Do you want to play superwoman and come rescue your little princess?" Dani said with a mocking voice "You're not gonna save anyone, you fuckwit" Dani said and laughed again.

"Are you kidding? Dani, you can't keep doing this, she hasn't done anything to you!" Brittany answered.

Dani just hung up. Brittany knew what she had to do. Go to the police and have them track her number down.


	17. Shock

Santana's POV

"How's my little angel today?" was the first thing I heard when I woke up. I don't know if it was night or morning or if I actually had slept or if I passed out.

"What time is it?" I asked with a tired voice.

"Way too early for you to be up" Dani said and stroked my forehead.

"Don't touch me" I said and tried to attack her but I had forgotten that I was tied up to this chair I had been sitting on since I got here.

"Don't resist it. Just go with the flow, Santana" she said as Philip came walking through the door on my left side. I just want to know where I was, was this the basement to a house or was it just some forgotten garage or something that she had "cleaned" up? "Did you bring her breakfast? She needs energy if she's going to stand out with all of this, we don't want her to pass out again" Dani said to Philip and gazed at me with a disgusting smirk on her face.

"I'm not hungry" I lied "How long do you think you can keep me here?" I tried to stay calm even though I wasn't, I was scared. But if Dani knew she would take advantage of my fear and I was in no place to keep up with another way to get messed with.

"I'm guessing a week or two before Brittany actually figures out where you are" Dani said and took the tray out of Philip's hands, there was a half sandwich on a plate and a glass of orange juice on it. "She's already looking, and she was very close to find you once" Dani said again and picked the sandwich up "open up"

"What? No way, you're not feeding me" I said and shook my head "what do you mean she almost found me? Where am I?"

"Oh she was very close" she repeated "but I'm glad she didn't find you yet, it's too early. I haven't had enough of you" she said and tried to push the sandwich into my mouth as if I was a 1 year old who didn't know how to eat. "She'll fall right into the little trap I put out for her soon" she said and tried again but I refused to open my mouth.

I didn't want to ask more about what she said about Brittany, I was too scared to even find out more about it. I had know idea what her plan was but I won't stop hoping, I knew Brittany would find a way to save me out of this shit-hole. I knew it.

"Will you stop? Let me at least eat by myself"

"No. You will listen to what I'm saying and eat this fucking sandwich out of my hands" Dani said and put her hand around my jaw "open up!" she yelled.

I shook my head and tried to get her to remove her hand of my face but she wouldn't give in so she shoved her index and middle finger right into my throat so I got a gag reflex and _had _to open my mouth up. I coughed and spit because of the disgusting taste she had on her fingers right now, probably from smoking.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" I shouted "What the hell is wrong with you, Dani!"

"You listen when I give you orders, got it?"

I couldn't do any other than listen and open my mouth and bite the sandwich Philip got me.

"Good girl" she said.

She treated me like a pet. A fucking pet she thinks she owns.

Just wait until she takes these handcuffs of me, all the anger I've saved up will be taken out on her and that retarded friend of hers, Philip.  
I just sat here for hours, I had been sitting for so long my ass felt like a rock. I needed to walk around a little, just for a while, but every time I asked Dani to untie my hands she just laughed and gave me the _'no, no no, sit there and suffer'_ look. I was watching Dani as she sorted out what looked like torture weapons, I couldn't see very good because they were on the floor at the other end of the basement. Just by seeing her so into it, she kept looking at me now and then and back at the weapons, like she was deciding how to torture me next.

Around three hours after I sat there in complete silence, sometimes all alone and sometimes Dani came by, they brought me lunch. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever put in my mouth. I don't even know what it was, some kind of casserole with corn and aubergines and brown rice. I would spit it out right on Dani's face but I tried to play nice, maybe she'd find it in her heart to let me go. I ate the nasty stew, which I think was home made, that gave me a little clue. Could this be her basement? And did her mother cook this?

"You're gorgeous" Dani said and stroked my hair "I can't believe I ever let you go, now I have you again" she said and leaned over to kiss me.

"Stop touching me please"

"I'm just happy to have you, Santana"

"You don't have me, you fucking kidnapped me!" I yelled and she looked very amused by that.

She walked over to the other end, where she kept her weird torture stuff and just when she did my heart started beating faster, I got nervous and I really didn't know what to expect this time.

"Hmmm.. What should we use today? Are you in the mood to cry? Or maybe scream... I know many ways to make you scream" Dani said and walked up to me with a big smile on her lips, she got closer to my face and leaned down so her lips grazed my ear "how do you want to scream, Santana?" she whispered into my ear and chuckled.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked at last. I just wanted to know.

"Did I not make myself clear? _How do you want to scream_?" she said again and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Answer my question, Dani. This has gone too far" I said and looked at her with a serious look on my face.

"You leave me, you admit that you never had feelings for me the way I have for you and you say I was just a rebound. How am I supposed to react?" she said and smized "I don't get played with"

"React like a normal person, cry for some weeks in front of chick flicks and move on with life. Not torture the person you claim to be in love with" I answered and felt my eyebrows crease in the middle out of confusion and anger "you're better than this"

Dani backed off and stood there, staring at me with what I thought were sad eyes. I thought I had convinced her because of the look on her face and her calm body language.

"Shut the fuck up. You know nothing" she said moments later and left the basement for some minutes.

When she came back she had Philip with her, he held the same camera he had in his hands three days ago and a big yellow sponge, like the ones you use when you wash your car for example. Dani held a big monitor in her arms, an electric shock monitor.

"No, Dani.. Please don't do this to me"

"Save your begging for later, okay honey?"

"You stupid bitch! You twisted fucked up heartless bitch! This is abuse! You're torturing me I will have you killed for this you fucking idiot!" I couldn't help but freak out, she was going to have me killed.

"Philip, maybe we should start shooting now so Brittany see's her adorable reaction to what's about to happen?" Dani said and laughed at me "untie her"

_Untie her._ I had the chance now, if I was fast enough.  
Philip took a small knife and cut the rope around my wrists of, and then he unlocked the handcuffs. I had never felt this kind of relief in my hands before. I twisted my hands and let my fingers move as if I was playing the piano. He took me by both arms and let me stand up, I fell on the floor the moment he let go of me. I guess I wasn't used to standing up after I've been sitting without a single movement for three whole days in the same rotten chair. I would never get the chance to run away now, they were two, I was one and I was weaker than I thought I would be.

"Poor baby" she said and helped me up.

Before I even got the chance to freely move my arms Philip grabbed them both. He asked me nicely to stand up on the chair, like what he was doing was a good thing. I tried to resist but he grabbed me harder and pushed me towards the chair.

"Look, just do it" he said with a low voice so Dani wouldn't hear him "I can't do anything to help you so please stop looking at me like that" he added.

I spat on his face and did as he said.

"You bitch" he mumbled.

I looked up at the ceiling and saw that a rope was hanging on a hook, a thick rope that was tied into a knot so both my hands would fit in it. How did I not notice that this was hanging above me while I was sitting here for hours and hours?  
I looked down on Philip and waited for him to tell me what to do next. He went to get himself a chair so he could tie my hands up for me. Just when he left and walked towards the table with a lamp on it that was located on the left corner of the basement, I jumped down from the chair and started running to the door.

"Philip!" Dani yelled at him and he caught me before I even reached the door.

"Are you serious?" Philip said and pushed me to the chair again "the door is locked anyways"

I stood up on the chair again and Philip brought his and he stood up on it and tied my hands into the rope. With other words, if they pushed the chair away from me I would be hanging down from the roof like some kind of animal. Luckily he didn't, yet.  
I watched Dani as she stood there and clipped the two wires to the big yellow sponge, she put the other cable into the socket and a red light came to life from the monitor. It was on. All she had to do was press a button now.

"Get the bucket of water now, Philip"

She can do whatever she wants to me, I don't care anymore. As long as she doesn't touch Brittany. I don't know what trap she was talking about or how she was going to get Brittany to find this place but I hope she won't hurt her like this too. I can't find a reason to why she would, but then again, I don't have a logical reason to why she's doing this to me either.

I could hear Philip's shoes as they brushed against the cement floor, I could hear his jacket clang on the metal bucket. I could feel my heart rate rising and my eyes getting smaller, I didn't want to cry, I didn't want them to know how scared I was and how much I feared the pain that was coming for me. I looked at Philip, I tried to make eye contact, compared to Dani, he seemed like the kind of person you could fool into letting you out. However, Dani would never leave him alone with me so I couldn't try. He ignored my attempt anyway. I observed him as he wet the sponge and put it on the floor next to the bronze metal bucket. He went and stood next to Dani who eagerly watched as he did so. He whispered something into her ear and they both looked at me for a short while before they walked over and stood beside me, both of them on each side of the chair.

"No, we let her stand on the chair this time," Dani said "she needs to get used to the pain before we put on the hard gloves" and they both chortled.

I honestly thought I was mean and evil. I'm a pure angel compared to this devilry.

"Get the camera, Phil, I'll take her blouse off. Good thing it's buttons on otherwise I'd give you a little shock too for not remembering to take it off before you tied her up" Dani said and gazed at Philip like she would kill him for making this tiny mistake.

"You're not taking my blouse of" I protested

"Have you not been taught anything? I do whatever the fuck I want, I will unbutton your blouse so you can feel the sponge on your stomach and back. It's not the same experience if you have clothes on, it hurts, yes, but it hurts less"

She started to unbutton my blouse and I could feel her breath on my neck. She did it slowly as though she didn't want this moment to end, as if she cherished this, like what she did was good and not bad at all. She put on a glove and put the sponge on some kind of stick, obviously so she wouldn't get electric shocks too.

"Are you scared, Santana?" she asked when Philip started filming.

I just stood there on the chair, in only my bra and a pair of black outworn jeans. She kept staring into my eyes while waiting for me to respond. I tried to look away from the camera, but what for? Brittany would see me no matter how he filmed. I was in the centre of the room, right in the middle of it.

"I'm not scared" I lied and spat right on her face, like I did to Philip earlier, that was the only way I could express my anger besides words now that my hands were tied.

"You shouldn't have done that, sweetheart" she said and wiped it away with her sleeve.

Philip dragged a small table so it stood around 3 meters away from me and put the camera there in a position that would make the viewer see me perfectly. He picked up the bucket from the floor and threw the water inside of it on my body. It was freezing and my whole body shuddered from the cold water. Philip went and stood by the monitor. Dani took the sponge now, with her eyes glued on mine she pressed it right on my stomach.

"Press the button"

I felt a slight shock on my body, not painful but it was disturbing.

"I think we should make it a little stronger. Don't you think, Philip?"

I looked at him and he nodded with a soft smirk.

"What about you, Santana?"

"Fuck you" I whispered and let out a soft moan with my head looking down on the chair beneath me.

She walked closer and pressed it on the same spot again "press" she said and he did.

This time it was painful. I let out a loud scream and I began to lose muscle control. She kept it on my stomach and I screamed louder.

"Stop!" I shouted and my head got shook so hard my wet hair whipped my eyes.

She didn't care. She pushed it harder against my body and then away. She gave me a happy look and pushed it against me again. This time I screamed so loud my own ears ached. All Dani did was smile out of pride because of what she was doing to me.

"This will teach you" she said and gave Philip a quick look.

She pressed it against my back this time. It shook me so hard I accidentally pushed the chair away from under my feet and I was hanging now which caused me nothing but more pain. It felt like my wrists were going to get cut off and my hands would fall on the floor along with me.

"See what you did.." she said and sighed.

Without even putting the chair back so I could get some kind of backing, she pressed the wet sponge against my wet back instead. The pain was extreme and I choked on my own scream when I tried to let it out. I felt all my muscles contract, she slowly took the sponge away from my back and let out a light laugh. Me on the other hand, I couldn't feel my body anymore, I felt paralyzed.. All I could feel was like one million aunts wandering around my body. She pressed it on my back again and this time my attempt to scream worked, my scream transformed into a loud cry mixed with a wave of screams. This time she removed the sponge of my body quicker, although it was fast it didn't make it less painful. I started feeling dizzy and my body pounded as I hung there from the hook with the rope tied around my hands and wrists.

"Untie her" Dani said and went for the camera, picked it up and filmed me with less distance. "Any last words to Brittany before I press the stop button?"

She zoomed the camera into my face and waited while Philip untied my hands and I fell hard on the floor. She slightly poked me with her foot as I was laying on the ground, beginning to feel unconscious. I mumbled something even I didn't understand. I felt myself lightly shaking on the floor and every single thing was doubled into at least two. I stopped hearing sounds, I stopped seeing and _everything _went black.


	18. Caught You

Brittany's POV

"Here, I got her number in this phone. Could you track it down?" I said and looked at the police officer I talked to the other day.

"Like stealing candy from a baby. Come back here in a couple of hours, We're pretty busy now... Give me maximum 3 hours, alright?" he said with his dark, raspy and overly manly voice.

"My name is Brittany, by the way"

"Good to know. I go by the name Mr. Devan, or officer Devan. My first name is John"

When I got home I had gotten three unseen mails. I knew exactly what they were about, I sat down and got ready to watch it.. This was the second one and only God knows what she put Santana through this time. I opened the file and pressed the play button.  
2 minutes into the video I honestly couldn't hold the tears in. Seeing _my _Santana getting tortured like that hurt me more than anything ever possibly could. My heart shattered everytime she screamed out of pain. I couldn't take one more second of the video, I paused and walked away from the laptop to the bathroom. I was scared of losing Santana, I can't lie about that. Dani is obviously capable of a lot of things. Dangerous things. I opened the water tap to throw some cold water on my face, I wanted to shake the vision of Santana hanging down from the ceiling, screaming, begging and crying for Dani to stop the electric shocks. I looked into the mirror and promised myself that I will find her, I will find her no matter what and I will never, ever let her go, I will guard her with my life until the last beat of my heart.

I look at the silver digital clock on the night table in mine and Santana's bedroom while I was lying on the bed, wishing time would go faster so I could go down to the station and find out if the police officer tracked Dani's number down so I could go to wherever she was and confront her.  
Every minute felt like an hour, it was two hours left and I was restless. I tried to watch TV, get a snack or surf on the internet. Although I tried really hard, nothing helped. All I could think about was how slow time went.

I opened my eyes and rubbed them, I reached for the other side of the bed and found it empty. _Wait. _I looked at the clock. 5 p.m. Damn it, I had fallen asleep.  
It had gone 4 hours since I was at the station. I jumped out of bed and made my way to the station as fast as I could.  
The wind hit my face the moment I stepped out of the apartment building, it was a bit chilly but it was good, it just made me want to get to the police station even faster.  
When I got to the station I looked around to see if the officer was somewhere around, he wasn't. I walked through the people waiting for their appointments and interviews.

"Stand in line, who do you think you are?" a blonde middle aged woman with tanned skin said with a stuck up attitude

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for the chief of police"

"We're all here for a reason, you're not any better. Get to the end of the line"

A policeman noticed the fuss so he came to make her stop.

"What's the problem, ma'am?" a tall blonde, green-eyed man wearing the original, typical police man outfit, asked.

"Can I please talk to your boss? He's probably expecting me.."

"One moment" he answered and went through one of the 'staff only' doors.

When he returned he took me with him into the office and then left me there with the officer.

"Did you do it?"

"Of course. I'm printing out the adress for you"

"So you got it?" I asked with a lot of excitement in my voice, he noticed and laughed.

"Yes I did, do you want me to send some police men with you on your little trip?"

I had to think about this.. The the pro about it would be that if I saw something, they would be there to arrest her, the con would be that she would see the police officers and not even answer the door.

"No it's okay. I'll let you know if I find something about this whole situation"

"Are you sure?" he asked "Things like this can be dangerous if you're alone.." he said and looked at me with a queasy face expression.

"I'm fine, thank you" I lied.

When I reached the destination I knocked on the door, and it was the same house I was at before. I looked around at the neighborhood and it looked like a nice one. Nobody opened but you could tell there were people inside the house. I took a few steps back and stood by the tree just a few meters away from the front door of the average sized beige coloured brick house. I thought that maybe if they couldn't see me something would happen.  
Just a few minutes after an almost black haired guy walks out of the door, he was wearing a grey hoodie, beige chinos and a pair of navy blue converse. He was looking down at the ground as he walked so I could see nothing of his face. The fact that he had dark hair was visible even though he was wearing a beanie. I started approaching him to ask him about the residents of the house but he kept walking, I walked behind him and tried to reach his arm but he just started walking faster.

"Hey! Wait up!" I said when I finally reached him.

He didn't turn around so I reached for his arm. Without being ready at all he knocked me down with his elbow and ran away, I would run after him but I couldn't stand up because of the awful headache I got. At last I did but it was too late, he was already gone. However, I walked up to the door again and knocked. I refused to give up.

"What do you want?" Dani's mother asked, the same woman who was by the door the first time.

"Where's Santana?" I asked. I guess saying hello wasn't something for her.

"I don't know what you are talking about, leave before I call the police"

"Call the police? Oh I can do that, I can do that right now. In fact, the police officer himself tracked your daughters number down and sent me here"

She just stood there, she tried her best to cover up the fact that she was very nervous but I noticed, her face and body language screamed _nervous_.

"You're at the wrong house" she said calmly "Try the others around here" she finally said and tried to close the door on my face but I prevented the door from being shut with my foot.

"I don't want to call the police. Just give me answers and I will leave you alone. Firstly, who was that guy who walked out earlier?"

"That.. it wa-" she needed to clear her throat before continuing her sentence "it was my nephew"

"Why did your nephew act so mysteriously and knock me down for no reason?"

She didn't have an answer to my question. She looked at me with empty eyes and her wrinkly and tired face started to look more sad than angry.

"What your daughter is doing to Santana is not okay, she is hurting her. Did you know that? She's torturing her" I said with a low voice, almost like a whisper.

"I can't help you, I'm sorry" she said, without giving me any clue at all on where Dani kept Santana.

"You're giving me no choice" I said and took a step back.

She didn't respond. She dragged her hand through her dark brown hair and closed the door. I walked down to the sidewalk, picked the phone out of my jacket pocket and called the number the police officer gave me.

"I'm here. I need your help, they won't talk to me"

15 minutes later a cop car with the sirens on stops by the sidewalk. Two policemen and the officer I had several meetings with, Mr. Devan walked up to the house I pointed at, with me just one step behind them.

"Hello. Are you the woman of the house?"

"I am, officer. How can I help you?"

Oh,_ now_ she was being polite.

"Yes, we are looking for Dani, we believe that is your daughter? She is accused of kidnapping one Santana Lopez" the police officer said.

"I don't know anyone named Dani, I have no children, Sir" she answered.

The police officer turned to me and gave me a forced smile and then whispered something into his colleagues ears.

"_Mami, who is that by the door?" _someone from inside the house said.

Officer Devan looked inside the house directly when he heard the young, female voice and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Who is that?"

"That is my niece, Sir" she said with a incredibly innocent voice.

"I'm sorry ma'am we're gonna have to search your house" Officer Devan said and gave a hand gesture to the two police men beside him so they would start moving.

"You can't search my house without permission!" she protested

"I am the chief of staff for the New York city police department, ma'am. Step aside and this will go very fast if you have nothing to hide" he said and stepped into the house.


	19. X Ray

"Santana! Get the fuck up!" Dani shouted, her little sister had told her about the police being by the door.

"Holy shit, Dani" Philip said and started to feel Santana's pulse "It's not normal"

"Shut up Philip! Just shut up!" Dani said and you could notice she was getting very nervous from the way she was breathing and her entire body language.

Dani couldn't stop moving. She knew the cops would find the kind of "hidden" basement anytime soon, if her and Philip were lucky they would have 15 minutes.

"Listen, she needs to get to a hospital" Philip said with a serious tone in his voice.

"Are you fucking serious? Do you not understand what's happening? You idiot!" she yelled at him but stopped when she remembered the police upstairs could hear her if she was too loud.

"Dani, she could be dying. The shocks were really hard the last times.."

"I don't give a fuck. If they catch us, we'll get into deep shit and I can't go through that"

Philip couldn't do anything about it, he knew Dani would stop him no matter what he did. He looked at the door, he wanted to leave but the police would find him and he would be seen as the guilty one. So he stayed.

"What are we going to do?" Philip asked.

"Call him now. He needs to distract them from coming down here. And he needs to do something about her fucking nosy girlfriend"

Philip doubted at first but it was their only choice. They were stuck inside the basement with an unconscious girl lying on the floor. While Philip dialed the number, Dani was trying to get Santana to wake up.

"San.." she said, poking at her arm "Oh sweet darling.. What have I done to my angel?" she said and turned her over so Santana's face was facing up. She stroked her face with her hands, brushing her eyelids with her fingertips, pressing her lips against her Santana's. She took a look at her face again with a big grin on her face "It's okay sweetheart, it's okay. You know you deserved this. Right?"

"He'll be here soon" Philip interrupted.

Dani stood up and walked around the dark, hot and depressing room again, chewing on her nails, sweating like crazy. Even though it wasn't summer, it was always very hot down there. She could feel the drops run down her back and the sounds from upstairs didn't make it better. She could hear the steps moving around the first floor getting closer and closer to the basement entrance. She took a quick look at Santana again, Philip was feeling her pulse again. She sighed, and mumbled something degrading about him to herself.  
Dani tried to come up with a solution but she couldn't, everything would go down the pipe if the police officers found the basement and went down here.

_Perfect. _Dani thought. He distracted the policemen and Brittany didn't see him, her mother made her curious about searching in the little garden they had right before he walked in and the policemen were convinced to look upstairs now, at the second floor. Dani started carrying Santana up the stairs with the help of Philip. They were going to put her in Dani's room because the policemen had already looked in there. They walked up and widened their eyes because of the light. Yes, the basement was really that isolated and dark. The only light in there was one light-bulb.

"Hurry" Dani said and opened the door to her room.

"Where do we put her? What if they walk in again?" Philip said

Dani stood and thought for a while. Santana was getting heavy on their arms so they had to come up with something.

"Put her under the bed"

"What?" Philip said.

"Under the bed, are you deaf?" she repeated.

Philip just laughed about her idea and did as he was told. They placed Santana on the floor next to the bed and pushed her under it. Dani's long bedspread covered her up so they wouldn't be able to see her if they searched the room again, the only way they would find her was if someone moved the bedspread. All they had to do now was run down to the basement and clean up, hide all the weapons and put the electric shock monitor somewhere else.

Brittany tried to open the back door up, the one you use to go into or out of the garden from but it was locked. She couldn't come back inside. She knocked and even shouted for someone but nobody opened the door. She looked in through the window but no one was there, she couldn't see much from where she was. The only visible thing was the bathroom door.

"That was the whole house" Dani's mother said when they all walked down together and stood by the front door.

"I guess.. Have you seen Brittany around? We need to get going"

"I think she already left, Sir" Dani's mother lied, she knew exactly how to fool them.

"Are you sure?" Officer Devan asked.

"Yes"

"Do you hear that?" he asked "It sounds like someone is banging on the door"

"No.. I don't hear it" she lied, again.

Officer Devan just looked at Dani's mother with squinted eyes. He wasn't being fooled by her lies.

"Do one last search, boys. Be very meticulous" he said.

"There's really no ne-.."

"Ma'am, please. Let us do our job" Officer Devan said and let out a sigh "It seems like we're not quite done here yet"

* * *

Brittany's POV

I kept shouting for help, banging on the door, I did everything. I could just climb over the fence and go home but I would not let them get away, not now. I was to close to finding Santana.

"Anyone! I'm locked out!" I shouted.

I didn't stop until finally one of the policemen opened the bathroom door, I could see him so I started shouting louder and knocking harder on the door. He noticed and came up to me and opened the door.

"Thank you so much" I said and walked in.

"How'd you get locked out?" he said with a typical New York accent.

"I suppose Dani's mother did this on purpose. She tricked me into searching for evidence in the garden, I don't even know why I trusted her, I mean.. It's a garden. But I did and she locked the door so I couldn't come back in" I said as we walked.

The policeman kept going through all the stuff and everywhere around the house as well as the other one and Mr. Devan. I stood there by the front door, hoping they'd find something. I wanted to look too but Dani's mother started bringing up stuff about the law "it is against the law, she is not a cop" and the police officer had to agree that she was right, so I wasn't allowed to do or touch anything from now on. However, the fact that I could be in the same house as Santana right now made me feel so much stronger. I know she may not be here, but maybe she is. Who knows.  
Dani's mother was nervously walking around me, almost in circles and I couldn't help myself so I started laughing.

"What's so funny?" she said with an angry voice.

"You say you have nothing to hide but yet you wander around like you're hiding corpses in this house"

Dani's mother didn't respond, she kept walking around.

"We found a new opening. There's a basement we haven't searched. The boys are in there now" Officer Devan said when he returned "how come you told us about all rooms in the house but that one?" he said and turned around so he was looking at Dani's mother.

"I forgot"

Officer Devan walked away, probably to the basement, once again I wanted to follow but he said I should stay here. Just when he left Dani's mother started acting really weird and mysteriously. She took the stairs up and then walked down again, without saying a word. She came back with a smile on her face. Why would she smile at me? She only smiled at Officer Devan and only because she was nervous.

"So are you and Santana in love?" she asks out of nowhere.

"Umm.. Ye-..."

"HEY!" A policeman yelled "what do you think you're doing!"

My eyes were closed but I could hear everything, I could feel them picking me up of the floor and laying me on a couch. Whenever I tried to open my eyes my headache got worse and all I saw were black spots here and there, so I kept them close.  
Who was that who hit me and why? It couldn't be Dani's mother, she was standing in front of me.

"Why did you hit her?" A policeman asked "I can have you arrested for that. You can't just walk around smashing people's heads"

"Sir.. I am so sorry" a guy said, his voice was so familiar but I couldn't figure out from where I recognized it.

"Sorry? That made everything better!" the policeman said in a sarcastic way.

I tried to sit up again but I couldn't, I got hit really hard on the head this time.

"Brittany, are you okay?" Officer Devan asked.

"I'm fine.." I mumbled "did you find anything?"

"I'm so sorry.. Brittany" he said, sounding really sad "we did find Dani and one of her friends but we have no evidence, Santana isn't here" he said and helped me stand up.

"Officer, please, don't give up" I begged "Dani is hiding her somewhere, I saw everything, I saw the videos"

I finally started seeing better again but I wasn't fully recovered. It felt like I would fall anytime soon. We stopped by the front door and Dani and her mother stood there. Both smiling at Officer Devan. Dani's friend or the guy who knocked me down, twice, wasn't there. I suppose it was the same person who did that to me.

"Officer, are you pleased now after searching the whole house twice?" Dani's mother said "my daughter is not hiding anything, she's just a normal girl"

"I don't even know who Brittany is, Officer.. Me and Santana broke up years ago. I think she's a bit jealous of Santana's former girlfriend" Dani lied and tried to charm the officer.

He just stood there, staring at them. It felt like he knew they were lying but he couldn't arrest Dani without evidence.

"Where's the other guy who was with you? I want to speak to him"

"Philip? Okay I'll go get him" Dani said and happily walked away.

"Wait" he said "The other guy too, what was his name.. Bryan? I don't remember. Get him too"

Dani stopped moving.

"He left, Officer"

"Call him, or give me his number and I will"

Dani nodded and went to get Philip.

They came back and I didn't recognize Philip, or his voice. He didn't look like the kind of guy who would do something like this. He looked innocent, but I guess you can't trust a kind face.

"How do you know Dani?" Officer Devan asked.

"He's her partner in crime" I answered for him.

The officer just looked at me, and then back at Philip.

"We've been best friends since high school" he said and smiled nervously at Dani.

Officer Devan noticed how nervous Philip was, he could nearly speak correctly.

"Dani could you leave us for a moment?" Officer Devan said.

"Why?"

"I want to speak to your friend alone"

"Okay.." she said and left.

Now only me, Philip and Officer Devan were standing in the short hallway, by the door. Philip looked like he was going to cry any minute now, his bottom lip was shaking and he couldn't stop moving his hands, he thought we didn't notice.

"So, Philip. Tell us, where is Santana?" Officer Devan said.

"I don't know who Santana is, Sir"

"Will you stop lying? You know where she is" I said "I know you do, please just.. Just tell us"

He looked back to make sure Dani wasn't listening.

"If I tell you everything, will I be arrested too?"

"If you're as involved as Dani, yes" Officer Devan said and cleared his throat "But you do realize you just admitted you know everything, so either way you'll get called into the station. You're stuck" Officer Devan said, it almost sounded like a threat.

"I don't feel comfortable here, can we do it at the station, tomorrow?" he said

I can't believe this. I felt how a swell of excitement grew in my chest. I was so close to getting Santana back.

"Yes, but not tomorrow. We go now"

"No, wait. There's.. Not now" Philip said.

"Is Santana here, Philip?" I asked.

He didn't look up, he kept staring at his shoes.

"Philip, is Santana in here?" I asked again.

Officer Devan didn't say anything about my questions. Usually he stops me from talking. Philip looked up and his eyes couldn't decide who to look at, me or the officer, they kept moving left to right until Officer Devan took him by the arm.

"Answer, kid"

"It's not my fault, I promise. I tried everything, I felt her pulse. I- I told Dani to stop it, I told her we need to get her to a hospital! I thought this was some kind of joke, just to scare Brittany but she went crazy!" he started to shout, he didn't even care that Dani could hear him anymore. He obviously couldn't wait until we got to the station, even though it was his idea.

"What are you saying?" I asked, my heart was beating so fast it felt like it would run out of my chest.

He put his hands on his head and started moving around the room, then he stopped. He stopped right in front of us and stared with empty eyes, a confused face expression and watery eyes.

"She's unconscious"

* * *

I couldn't stop crying. I was shaking, I couldn't handle any of this properly. Officer Devan called Rachel so she could take care of me while they arrested Dani, and the other two policemen drove Philip and Dani's mother to the station. She got to Dani's house 10 minutes after the call, she was the only person I trusted from my contact list. However, they had called the ambulance and they would be here any minute.  
How could they just put her under the bed like that? Like her body was a pile of old useless shit, I couldn't keep my tears from running every time I saw Santana lying there, on the couch.

"You'll make it, San. You're the strongest person I know" I sat down on my knees in front of her on the couch and my ear was pressed against her chest, the sound of her little heartbeat made me calm down just a bit. But not much, I was still worried.

"Brittany, the ambulance is here.." Rachel said and took my hand "let's go"

Two paramedics walked in and carried her and put her on the gurney and rolled it into the ambulance car outside the house.

People were standing on the sidewalk, watching the whole scene. It was in the middle of the night so the whole fuss probably woke people up too. The ambulance said there wasn't room for me and Rachel in the car so we had to take a cab to get to the hospital.

"She's gonna make it" Rachel kept saying all the way in the car.

I had stopped crying now but I was not okay, one little thing could make me start crying again. I had never been this worried and scared in my life. If I lost her.. I don't even know what would happen to me.  
When the cab stopped outside the hospital we hurried in and looked for the right department, a nurse helped us get there.

We weren't allowed in because they were working on her body, trying to wake her up, the nurse said. But we sat there, waiting.

"I need coffee, do you want some?" Rachel asked

I didn't want any so she went and bought some for herself.

All this happened so fast. Two months ago me and Santana were in Lima, we had just gotten back together and everything was perfect. We were so sure that nothing would ever tear us apart again. We were sure that this time it was only going to me and her, always. I started chewing on my nails. _Don't chew on your nails, you know it's not good. _My mind repeated Santana's voice, like everytime I chewed on them.  
All my thoughts, all my energy and every single muscle in my body was spent on praying for Santana, praying she would make it.  
The only thing I was satisfied about was that Dani was arrested. Officer Devan said she might be sent to a hospital for the mentally ill, but he wasn't sure. They were going to do some tests on her to help them figure out where to put her. I don't really care where, as long as she gets locked up and gets all her freedom taken away from her.

After we had been sitting here for nearly 3 hours, the doctor came out of the room, he didn't look happy or sad. So I couldn't tell what he was going to say. I stood up in front of him and eagerly waited for him to speak up.

"I'm afraid.. We couldn't wake her up. We did our best and we will keep trying"

"What.. How could this happen? Can this happen from electric shocks?"

"It can, but this did not happen only because of the electric shocks. We did a x-ray, she had also gotten a concussion from something, it was impossible to see from what"

I closed my eyes, I kept them close for a while, hoping that when I opened them again this would all be a dream, that when I opened my eyes again I would be able to reach my arm and pull Santana closer to me in bed.

"She's in a temporarily coma" he affirmed.


	20. Mental

Brittany's POV

It's been almost two weeks since that day at the hospital, since the day I got the horrible news about Santana, since the day I finally caught Dani. I looked around at the diner and made sure I did everything that had to be done before closing the place up. I worked the night shift. I picked up a napkin from the inside servings floor and walked back into the staff room, I got of my uniform and put my normal clothes on. I went to turn all the lights in the place off, locked all the doors from the inside and then walked out and locked that door too.

I stared at the wall in the apartment, I was lonely and I couldn't help it, it bothered me. This place was not a home without Santana, but I will keep it positive, no negative thoughts. I know she'll make it.  
I made myself a cup of tea and sat on our brown living room couch. I didn't turn the TV on, I kept staring at the empty screen, thinking about everything that happened. A part of me wants to get back at Dani, a part of me just wanted to walk into the hospital they put her in and kill her with my bare hands, but I couldn't do that. The hospital they put her in was for the mentally ill. Officer Devan updated me about that, they did a examination to see if Dani had mental issues. Turned out she was many things but two of the main problems with her were that she was a psychopath and sociopath, she was immune to any kind of sympathy for others.

Every day for the past week has been hell, I've been worrying, skipping almost all my shifts and crying myself to sleep. I'm just waiting for the day the doctor calls and tells me everything is okay with Santana, that she's woken up, or at least that her heart is still beating.  
But.. _I need to get back on her, _I have to. I have made my choice, Dani will pay. I don't know how to get my revenge, yet, but I know exactly how to approach her.

"Yes.. I feel like that"

"I might be able to get you a spot" the boss at the NYC Hospital For The Mentally ill said.

"Thank you"

"This is not a joke, you know it right? she said

"I know" I said and watched her leave to get some papers.

"Are you done?" she asked.

She gave me a paper to fill in, it was questions about health, background issues, personal problems and suicidal thoughts.

"Yes" I said and handed her the paper.

"I'm going to take a look at this and talk about it with the other managers of this place, I will also show them the interview, so you know. Okay?" she said and stood up and walked me to the door.

I just nodded.

"I will give you a call about our decision, but I think it's going to work out just fine. Now you go home and we'll keep in touch. Take care, Brittany."

Everything went like a charm. I am almost sure that they will let me join their little community. I didn't think it would be that easy, it was ridiculous. It kind of gave the impression that the hospital didn't have good security, oh well, that was just a plus for me. All I had to do now was wait.

I haven't asked Officer Devan what they did to Dani's mother and Philip, I actually didn't have time to care either. Rachel and Kurt had been on my back all week, trying to get me to visit them or even sleep at their place.. I wanted to sometimes. But I couldn't, I wanted to sleep on our bed. It was lonely, but her smell was stuck on the sheets and covers.. And as lame as it sounds, I liked hugging her pillow, it had her smell and it made me feel like, almost maybe, like_ almost _Santana was still with me.

I stayed up all night planning how to get closer to Dani while I was in the hospital, I knew she would recognize me, but no matter how much she tried to tell the nurses they wouldn't believe her, I mean it's a mental hospital, a place for all the crazy people. Why would they trust her? However, I came up with the perfect plan, I knew what to do, this time it was her turn.

When I woke up the next morning I made myself a cup of coffee after brushing my teeth and washing my face. I put my clothes on and walked down to work.

I counted the minutes all day until my shift was over, it was a morning shift so it was pretty dead.

"Welcome, Brittany" the nurse said "This is your room.. You're currently going to share with someone but if you don't want that we can make sure you get a new room tomorrow"

"I thought I would get my own room.."

After planning during the two days I was waiting for the call from the woman I talked to at the mental hospital earlier, everything gets ruined, I need to get rid of this mess, I can't have a roommate in order for this to work.

"I can fix that. Don't worry. I just want you to know that this girl isn't extreme, you and her are at the same level.. You actually scored almost the same at the test and I think you'd get along"

"I just really want my own room" I said

"Okay, tomorrow" she said and walked out.

I took the clothes she gave me and changed. White plain pants and a plain white t-shirt. I already hated this place, but it was for Santana. All of this was for her. After sitting on the uncomfortable bed for some minutes I walked out to sit with the others in the big living room.. This whole place was like a big old fashioned house from the inside. I could never guess it looked like this. Although it surprised me, it was a nicely decorated place.  
When I reached the living room all the heads in there turned, everyone was looking at me. Some of them were weirdly smiling, some looked like they were going to murder me anytime soon and the rest just had curious looks on their faces. I looked around, searching for Dani but she was nowhere to be found at the moment. I sat on one of the couches, next to a blonde girl and a brown haired middle aged woman, she looked like she was in her 40's.

"What are you doing?"

"What?"

"Who said you could sit here?" the blonde one said, she looked like she was around 25.

"It was empty so I thought.."

"Yeah, I noticed. I suggest you get your ass up and leave before you regret it" she said very loud this time.

"Hey! Calm down, Lucy" a nurse said "remember what we said? The nicer you are, the faster we let you go" she added and smiled at her.

I didn't even say a word, I just left the spot. I didn't want to cause a scene.. Jeez, it was my first day and this place already scared me. I needed to find Dani soon and get started. All I needed was to find out where her room was and everything would go like I planned.

"Lunch time girls, let's go" the same nurse said and asked us to follow her.

We walked into a dining room, it looked like the prison dining rooms you only see on TV. Grey walls, metal doors, two lunch ladies serving the food, two huge guards were standing there too, in case something happened I guess. The tables were made of tree and looked worn out, the chairs were the same and it smelled like high school lunch. Not so good. It looked so different compared to the rest of the hospital, it's like I was inside another building.  
We had tomato soup and bread for lunch. It was okay even though the soup didn't taste like tomatoes at all. It made me a bit suspicious but I had no choice so I didn't complain.

"Back to your rooms!" the nurse commanded when people started walking towards the old fashioned living room.

I did as she said while others disobeyed. I wanted all the nurses to like me, in that case they might just not keep an extra eye on me, like they do with all the other girls. Another nurse walked with me to my room, room number 108.

"You can sit here, there isn't really much to do but there are some books inside the box over there" she said and pointed to the right corner of the dull, dark room "you can also sit in the living room if you want to, in around 30 minutes"

"Why weren't we allowed to go now?" I asked.

"There were some things the dean wanted to check and go through. I can come get you when you're allowed to sit there" she said and smiled at me.

"Thank you" I answered and smiled back.

I sat down on the bed, I got the one that stood on the left side of the room, it was pressed against the wall and there was a window on the wall between our beds. The room had dark grey walls, no paintings what so ever, no curtain on the window, the floor was made of cement and our beds looked really uncomfortable.

I wonder what my roommate was like, if she was old, young and on what scale of crazy she was. I mean.. I purposely circled the worst answers and the nurse said I wasn't extreme. How much worse can you get than that?  
All the sudden someone pushed the doorknob down and walked in. With brown hair rolled into a bun, a beige shirt and white pants, brown eyes and her lips were widened, it was like she just saw a ghost. She stood there, freezed into her spot, staring at me, it was like she didn't even blink. She slowly took a step towards her bed, on the right side of the room. She sat on her bed with a straight back, she didn't even crouch a little with her back. She closed her lips together now and looked down at the floor. I couldn't say a word, I was shocked. She looked up and gave a smirk, like a little evil smirk, she scanned my whole body with her eyes, still smirking and then up to my face. She stood up and looked out the window and then turned around and looked right into my eyes.

"I didn't know you went crazy, blondie. Was it my fault?" she said and started laughing, loud, awful and a bit frightening.


	21. Go to sleep

Brittany's POV

After finding out Dani was the girl I was sharing my room with, I decided not to get a single room. This was perfect. I don't have to look for her room or anything now, she's right here. It was nearly bedtime and we had just eaten our "night snack" which was a half sandwich and apple wedges. The only annoying thing about being in the same room with Dani was that obviously, she was a very social person and so was I, but she's the last person I'd want to have a conversion with.. Sometimes I was forced to so she wouldn't think I was hiding something. After we had been sitting in the entertainment room for around 30 minutes the nurses said we had to go and sleep or read in our rooms. There was only one nurse I actually liked, she was really nice and she didn't talk to me like I was some lunatic.

Inside the room, while sitting on the uncomfortable bed, I picked a book out of the drawer and started reading.

"What's this?" Dani said and dragged the book out of my hands.

"Can I get the book back, please?"

"Why are you reading? You won't need that in here" she said and put it back in the drawer.

I didn't say anything, I was too tired to care about her. I leaned my head on the pillow and turned the lamp on my side off and closed my eyes. I figured it's better to sleep than spend time with Dani.

"Hey, Brittany.. Was that your name?"

"You know it is" I said.

"You're right. Now tell me, did you really think through this?"

I instantly opened my eyes and clicked on the button that turns the light on again and sat up on the bed. She just sat there, on her bed looking crazily happy.

"Think what through?" I asked.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I may be mental, but I'm not stupid, Barbie"

"I don't understand what you're talking about" I said.

"You put yourself in here to get back at me? Please.. You couldn't hurt a fly without feeling bad, am I right?"

I looked at her with so much rage in my eyes. She really underestimates me.

"You're wrong" I said and looked away at the window.

"You know, getting in here is easy. But there's no way out.. Unless you die" she said and started laughing. Even her laugh annoyed me at this point.

"They'll let me out when I feel better" I said.

"They won't. Talk to Georgia, she's been here for almost 20 years, she got in when she was 19 and she's 39 next month, she's not even sick anymore. It's just that according to them, mental people never get better. Once you get in, you never get out" She said and laughed again, as if she was messing with me.

"Yeah right. Can you let me go to sleep now?"

"As long as you believe me. You've made a big mistake.. Poor Brittany, wanting to avenge me"

"Whatever you think Dani" I said and laid down again.

She finally stopped talking. I could close my eyes and just relax. Think. I heard her turn her light off too and she let out a loud sigh. If I listened closely, the sound of nurses walking around the halls could be heard. I could hear the sound of someone snoring, probably from some of the rooms just behind one of the walls.

My mind was a mess right now. What if she was right? What if I was stuck in here forever... Did I think this through, I circled the worst answers possible.. They'll think I'm 100% mentally disturbed. Although Dani isn't the best person to rely on, I think she might be right, that woman who's been here for around 20 years explains a lot. _What have I done._

_Snap out of it. _You won't be here forever, I thought to myself. If I was in here for more than two months, I'd ask for a phone call and call Rachel, she's probably asking around about me everywhere but can't find me. It's okay though, for now. However, I would tell her about everything and ask her to help me. There, I have a plan B now. I puffed out and hoped it would work. I looked over at Dani's bed before shutting my eyes, she was sleeping. Good. Tomorrow night, I'll start.

* * *

"Hey Dani, you were right.." I said when she walked into the room the next morning.

"I always am. About what though?"

"I forced my way in here.. To get back on you" I said and looked down. Almost embarrassed.

"I know, why are you telling me this?"

"I figured that you don't deserve to be punished. You're stuck in here, that's enough" I said and looked up on her.

Her face blushed and she looked down at her feet and crossed her legs on the bed. She looked a bit confused, maybe because I was so nice to her. I don't know.

"Are you being honest right now?" she asked after taking a deep breath.

"Of course I am" I said.

"Good, you finally understand.. Santana deserved what she got, right?"

She looked at me without a smile or anything, it was like she wanted me to say yes so she wouldn't feel bad about what she did. It was like she had a heart, but she was afraid of using it. With all my anger pushed aside, pretending what she just said didn't get to me, I swallowed a big lump in my throat and cleared it.

"Yes, yes she did" I lied and looked at her again.

She smiled at me and her whole face lit up. The only way to do this right was to get her to like me, we needed to be friends in order for this to work. I laid down on the bed and smiled up at the roof when I actually just wanted to get up and punch her dead. How could she even say Santana deserved all of that? I don't understand. I could feel her eyes glaring at me, she didn't stop either but I didn't look her way. I tried to clear my head, I started to plan.. The first move is accomplished, I started to gain her trust. That's what important for now.

The rest of the day was the usual, entertainment room, lunch and we could go outside today, to the mental hospitals private park if we wanted and then dinner. We had fish for dinner, it wasn't my favorite but still, I had no choice. I sat on the bed and waited for Dani to come in, she would talk a little bit and then probably fall asleep. When I'm 100% sure she's not awake, I will get her.

Although I tried really hard, my mind wouldn't let go of Santana. I wonder if she's up or if she's still in a coma.. I just really, really wish she's okay. I looked down at my feet and my heart started feeling warm, I felt like bursting into tears and have someone hold me, promise me it would all work out. That Santana would be okay and that I'll be out of here soon, when I tell the dean I'm okay. The fact that this room had such dark colors didn't make me feel better, everyone knows I'm more of a colorful girl.. Grey and black weren't really my favorite colors in rooms. Right in the middle of my deep thoughts Dani walked into the room.

"Hey Blondie" she said.

"I would like it if you could stop calling me that" I said.

"I thought we were friends, I show my affection to my friends by insulting them" she said and stood by the window and smiled at me.

"Okay, if that's the case" I said and tried not to sound too cold.

She walked over to her bed and laid down.. Hopefully, she would stop talking and fall asleep soon.

"How come we never hang out outside the room?"

"I never see you" I answered her.

"Oh yeah, I'm always where you least expect me to be" she said and giggled "we'll hang out tomorrow, okay? You're like the only cool person around here, even though I don't like you" she added to her sentence.

She shows her affection to friends by insulting them, that must mean she likes me.

"Deal" I said and let out a laugh.

"Girls" someone said and knocked on the door "I can see that your light is on, turn it off and go to sleep" she said. It was Amanda's voice, the only nurse I liked.

"That fucking bitch, I swear to God.. One of these days" Dani mumbled about Amanda.

I ignored her, she had to go sleep now. I couldn't wait much longer.

"Goodnight, Dani" I said and turned the light off.


	22. Now

Brittany's POV

I open one eye to peek over at Dani, she didn't move. I listened closely and I could hear that she was sleeping. I stood up and took out the razor Amanda had given me earlier the day before. That's why I wanted to gain her trust, I needed something sharp. I told her it was to shave my legs. After nagging about it and convincing her, she gave in and brought me one, even though she wasn't allowed to. I picked it up and took the sharp part out, held it with the honed side facing forward, facing Dani's face. With soft steps, I approached her until I was just some inches away from her face, I was so close I could feel her breath. I exhaled, prayed for the strenght to do this, for the strenght to hurt her. No matter how much I wanted to, it was hard.. I wasn't used to this. She made a quick move in her sleep that made me lose my breath for some seconds but I recovered from it fast, I pressed the sharp razor blade, which now was more like a sharp tiny knife, against her throat.

"Now" she whispered and her eyes opened.

My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't move, I felt frozen. How could she pretend to be a sleep so good? It looked real. I looked into her eyes but didn't say anything, she laid there with her face straight and her eyes narrowed. I let out a big puff and slowly my hand slipped, the razor blade dropped on the floor and my hand was hanging over her head. She still looked at me.

"Pick it up, Brittany. Kill me"

I still couldn't speak, I had planned this for so long, so thoroughly. All my energy was devoted on this, I forced myself into this asylum to get rid of her, to get back on her for what she did. Was I too stressed?

"You wuss" she whispered again.

I took the razor up from the floor and sat down on my bed. She stood up and walked over to me, she sat down right on the cold floor in front of me, with her eyes glued on the blade in my hands. She rested her hands on my knees as if we were friends, as if I would allow her to touch my skin. I pushed myself back so her hands landed on the egde of the bed instead, she didn't complain.

"So, what's your plan B now that I'm not dead?" she asked and looked over at the door, making sure no nurse would hear and come yell at us.

"How did you know?" I calmly asked.

"You kind of pressed a blade against my throat, I felt it. I'm wicked, but I don't sleep in that position" she looked over at the window and widened her eyes when noticing the clear bright moon right above us. "But explain, what were you even thinking? That I would die and you would get away with it? Is that what life is to you, Brittany? A game.. You're pathetic. But I admire your bravery"

I didn't answer. I opened the nightstand drawer on my right side and put the blade in there, I would keep it in case I would need it someday, I don't know for what but who knows. Dani looked at me with surprised eyes and let her hair out of the bun she had it tied up in. She ruffled it with her hands and combed it with her fingers and stood up.

"Do I look prettier like this?"

"What?" I asked.

"Why do you trust me?"

"I don't" I said.

"Why do you trust me, Brittany?" she asked again.

"What makes you think I do?"

"You put a sharp blade, a small murder weapon, if used right, two metres away from my side" Dani said and lowered her head so her eyes were at the same height level as mine "What makes you so sure that I won't slit your throat up when you're asleep? I can do that, you know"

"I'm not sure you won't do that. I just think you won't, you'll just be stuck in here forever if you do" I said and looked into her eyes with no fear in them at all, she was like an empty soul in front of me, no emotion, no feeling.

"Just like you would be if you actually managed to kill me, if you weren't too scared, too pure" she said and stroked my cheek with her thumb and her hand placed over my mouth and chin.

"Don't touch me" I said and struck her hand away.

What was she even doing? Asking me if I think she was pretty and uncomfortably touching me. Was I a victim of her role playing mind? A game she played to pass time, like a living video game? She kept trying to intimidate me but it didn't work, she creeped me out but I wasn't scared of her. I found her soft spot and it's people who show they care, all she wants is to be loved. Maybe that's why she acted like that towards Santana, her sociopathtic heart didn't know how else to show she was hurt.

She sat down on the floor again, with her hands over her eyes and it looked like she was crying but she wasn't. She sat in weird ways, that's something I've learned by sharing room with her for three weeks.

"Do you know what time it is?" she asked.

"No, they don't have clocks in here, remember"

"Yeah I just thought that maybe you asked the nurse for that too"

How did she even know about everything, it was like she was some kind of mind reading evil devil.

"Why have you changed?" I asked.

"Changed? You never knew me" she answered.

"I knew the Dani who tortured my girlfriend, the Dani who slapped me in the diner and the threatening, stalking, Dani.." I said and looked at her, she was observing my face and listening with enthusiasm in her eyes "You're not like that in here. You're nicer, why couldn't you spear Santana's life and be like that?"

She took a deep breath, started rubbing on her sleeves with her thumbs and crouching her back.

"I used to be really nice, until I fell in love for the first time. I had no idea what love could do to a person. Love is evil, love is the work of every demon alive, and every demon dead. It turned me into a obsessive, jealous and mad person"

She talked about love like all it ever did was hurt her. However, was it possible that she was referring to Santana? Was she her first love, the one who made her becocme what she is?

"And your first love, who wa-.."

"My first love is, not was, Santana. Sweet, lovely Santana" she said before I even got the chance to finish my sentence. "If you think I regret what I did, just know that I don't. I just feel sorry for you, you didn't deserve to get in here, you're normal. I just pretend I am, you're stuck in here forever" she said and laughed so loud she had to stop herself and put her hand on her mouth to prevent more laugh from coming out. If she didn't the nurses would come in and see us.

"Why is that funny?" I whispered.

"Because you're stupid thinking something like this would be so easy"

"I'm not stupid. Stop saying that, I was angry and I did what I thought was right" I paused for a while and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows "And also, I'm not going to be here forever, I'll talk to the dean tomorrow and let him know I feel better"

"You have no clue at all.. It's so sad, so sad" she said.

I asked nicely to get permission to speak to the dean, after one hour of waiting because he was busy with a meeting, I got my appointment. I walked into his big office with my regular clothes on, the white shirt with the beige pants and my hair was tied up in a ponytail. His office looked like something a vice president would sit in, it was excessively if you ask me. He had painted brown chairs and a huge master's desk, also painted in brown. To the left of the pure white wall there was two big paintings of former bosses of the asylum. On the right one was a big one of the creator and mind behind this whole place, a black haired woman who according to the date on the picture died December 12, 1958.

"Have a seat, dear" he said with a soft voice "The name was Brittany, right?" he said.

"Yes, Sir" I said and sat down on the chair in front of him, behind the big desk with my hands placed on my thighs.

"What was so important?" he asked and let his eyes scan my face and the rest of my body.

"I wanted to let you know that I feel much better, I think I'm ready to be let out"

He looked at me for a long while with a serious face, small eyes, thick eyebrows and grey, wavy hair that almost reached his shoulders. After a few moments, he started laughing.

"You think, you think you feel better?" he said with laughter still in his voice.

"I know I do, Sir"

"Well.. Someone like you can't feel better after some weeks" he said and went back to his serious face again "The woman you talked to the first time you came here, Jean, Mrs. Winsten. She told me much about your interview and the things you answered on that quiz"

_I knew it. _

"But for how long do you plan to keep me here?" I said.

"For as long as we need, Don't worry, child. We will make you normal again.. Eventually. But you need to understand that it's not only dangerous for you but also for society to let you out now. Do you want to sit in jail instead?" he asked and stood up.

"No.., Sir"

_This is without doubt the worst thing that could ever happen to me._

"Good. When we notice you're ready, you'll be let out. Alright? Now let's go. I believe it's time for dinner for you girls" he said and almost forced me out of his office.

So I was stuck. It was true. Why did I do this? What did I even think, how stupid can a person be? I thought it would work out just fine, I thought I planned everything just right in order to get away with it. I had no idea this place was like this. How will I find out if Santana is okay? If she's awake. What if she wakes up and.. I'm not there for her?

The bench on the asylum garden was cold, but better than inside where all I did was feel worse, feel depressed. I sat down and looked at what surrounded me. Grass, benches, fences and a big, big cement wall. If one decided to escape from here it would be with the help of others from the outside. I wouldn't be capable of leaving here alone. But I can't escape, it would make things worse, they would look for me everywhere because "I'm a danger to society". Why, why, why did I have to choose the most vulgar and horrible answers? I guess being desperate brings out the worst in you, it makes you blind to whatever the consequences with your choices are.

"Hey there" I heard someone say. I turned around and saw Dani.

"Hey"

She didn't answer, she sat down next to me and the smell of cigarettes hit me when the wind blew on her hair. With her hands inside her jacket pocket she looked at me and smiled.

"I thought you said we'd hang out on our little breaks"

"We're hanging out now, aren't we?" Dani said.

I looked at her and forced a smile out to make her feel like I cared about this moment. She took her hands out of her pocket and in her hands was the razor blade.

"Did you know that it's possible to kill yourself with this thing?" she said and looked at it as if it was some kind of diamond.

"I haven't thought about it" I answered her.

"You should"

I should? No, I shouldn't.

"And why is that?"

"Because it's your only way out" she said and put it back in her pocket.

"Rachel?"

"Brittany! Brittany where in earth's name are you?" Rachel yelled on the phone.

"I'm at the NYC hospital for the mentally ill, the asylum for crazy people"

"I know what that is! What are you doing there? Are you out of your mind!?" she yelled, again.

"Rachel, stop and listen to me, I was only allowed to have a five minute talk so please, you need to come visit me and talk some sense into the dean"

"Why? What's happening?"

"I did this all on purpose, it was a stupid idea but I need your help. The dean won't believe that I'm okay, they're going to keep me in here forever"

She was quiet on the other line for a while now. Like she was thinking.

"Brittany.. Jesus Christ, Brittany" she said, calmly this time "I'll come by tomorrow and try to talk to them and see when I can visit you"

"Thank you so much. Gotta go, see you" I said and hung up.

I had the right to make a phone call twice per week so I wasted my first one on Rachel. After almost one month in here I couldn't take it anymore. I know, my plan was to hold out for two months. But this is getting out of hand, I need help, I need to get out of here before I actually turn into a crazy person and most of all be there when Santana wakes up.

I walked back to the bedroom, honestly, I'd rather be in here than in the entertainment room with all the others, it made me feel like I was one of them. I was hoping Dani wouldn't walk in and ruin my alone time and my prayers were heard. I sat down on the bed and picked up a book, I started reading but right in the middle of my first page I felt something inside me. My whole body felt like it was twisting and my eyes got watery, I heard voices in my head and the room felt cold, like I was sitting in the north pole. I couldn't hold it in and all of the sudden I started crying. Slow tears ran from my underblinking eye and dripped into my shirt. With my shoulders shaking with grief tears were streaming down my already wet face. I felt my lashes stick together in clumps as if I had gone swimming. How could everything turn out like this, how could I not think about this happening? My tears wouldn't stop falling and my sobs got louder after every deep breath I took. I laid my whole body down on the bed now and kept crying out. My eyes started feeling puffy and my sobs got heavier. Most of the tears fallen were for Santana. No actually, all of them were. Every single one of them. I miss her. I miss her so much. I miss her like the flowers miss the sun during winter nights, because they need it to bloom. How a human lacks water after a really long run.. I miss her like trees miss their fallen leaves during autumns. I miss her smell and the way she's so protective of me.. The way she was obvious of her feelings even when she didn't want me to know how she felt.

"Brittany? What the hell.." Dani said when she pushed the doorknob down and stepped into the room.

I quickly sat up and dried my face with my shirt.

"Are you okay?" she asked and looked concerned.

_This is all her fault._

"I'm fine" I said and stood up.

"Alright.." she said and took her jacket off, I guess she went outside again.

"Is the blade in the jacket?" I asked.

"Yes" She said and I noticed her looking at my eyes, probably because they looked like little pillows after I cried.

I walked over to her bed and took the beige down jacket up and searched the pockets. The blade was nowhere to be found. I threw it back on the bed and stood in front of Dani.

"It's not there" I said with my voice still sore from all the crying.

"I know" she said with a teasing tone "Do you want it?"

"Yeah" I answered.

"For what?" she asked and took the blade out of her bra.

I don't even know how she managed to keep it there without making her boobs bleed, it was really sharp. But whatever works for her. I took the razor blade out of her hands and made a bun out of my hair. I easily sticked the blade into the messy bun and made sure it wasn't visible if someone was to look at my hair.

"Thank you" I said.

I walked towards the door, I turned around and found Dani smirking at me, she looked happy. Her teeth were visible, it was _that _kind of smile.. She looked proud.

"Just to be safe, do it both ways" Dani said and I stopped from pushing the doorknob down to keep looking at her as she spoke "And make sure you cut really, really deep. If you aren't hitting any bones, you're doing it wrong"

My heart started pounding so hard it scared me, I could feel the adrenaline rush through my veins. I turned around, with my nose pointing at the door.

"And hey, remember to slice longwise and split your vein open in such a way that you can't just bend your wrist to close the wound" Dani said and watched me leave the room.


	23. Good Morning

Santana's POV ( 2nd July, 2013)

I heard voices in my environment but I can't understand what is said. I see blurred images of faces peering down at my face and I'm moving away then darkness comes again. My consciousness fades in and out. I can't tell if all of this is a dream or not. One moment I feel, see myself in a cold basement. The next I am in a speeding ambulance car. I feel my body being moved around on a bed and the blurred faces and weak voices are back. I lay here for what feels like forever and groan now and then with every exhalation just to get a grip of something.

Gradually things became clear and I'm a little more aware of the periods of consciousness. I'm lying in a hospital bed. Both my hands are strapped down to the sides of the bed. The hospital bed has netting sorrounding it to prevent me from falling out. I see a nurse walk in and I tried to talk to her, I don't even know what I'm saying. When that happened there was some kind of commotion.

"She's awake" I heard someone say.

Now others came running in. A still a bit blurry doctor asked me if I knew what my name was. As I tried to answer him the voice I heard was high pitched, like a toddler's voice. It added to my confusion and I wondered whose voice it was. I knew my first name and after trying a little I recalled my last name.

_Santana Lopez._

After a while I was left alone and laid on the bed, trying to understand what was going on.

What is wrong with me and why am I tied down? Where was I? How did I get here.. All I knew was that I was in a hospital but that was pretty much it. Nurses came in and checked the I.V's that seemed to be stuck in every vein I had. I got told I was in New York and I had gotten very strong electric shocks that caused all of this.

There was a TV placed in my room and I was given a remote control to it, which I was able to operate from sometimes if it didn't fall or disappear where I couldn't see or reach it. Now and again I wouldn't remember I had a remote and asked a nurse to turn the TV on. I would just sit and watch it for hours pondering about what I saw. Most of it seemed new to me but I remembered some of the songs I heard on commercials and stuff after a while. There was this woman called Ellen who impressed me, she made me laugh. However, most of what I saw moved me in strange ways and I cried very often. Then, out of nowhere, some of my memories began to return.

The memories weren't all good. It was like a big puzzle with bits and pieces that I couldn't put together and form a picture out of. None of the memories were very clear but there was an intense anger attached to most of them along with sadness. I now remembered that I had lived somewhere in Ohio before. I remembered my school, some friends and many problems I ran away from and pushed aside. I remembered working at a diner. I remembered a girlfriend.

I could remeber a home number but not exactly where I lived, I couldn't remember my home adress. It was only one of the strange gaps in my memory that I started to be aware of. One of the nurses, a pretty short, blonde and brown eyed one helped me call it. After it ringed for a while, nobody picked up. We tried to call again after some minutes but no one picked up that time either. The nurse left the room for a while and returned with a phone in her hands.

"Do you remember this?" she asked "there are a few numbers in here.. and I'm going to call out the people on your speed dial because those are obviously the people you talk to the most"

I nodded and waited for her to call names out.

"Rachel" was the first name she called.

I felt weird and figured that couldn't be my girlfriend, but I saw her face.. Berry.

"Kurt, Gunther.. " she said.

All those names brought flashbacks, Kurt.. Kurt Hummel.. My former roommate and good friend.. Yes. Gunther, Gunther was my boss. All my memories slowly became clearer for everytime I thought harder.

"There are two more names in here, do you want me to say them?"

Again, I nodded.

"Dani" she said.

Dani. My reaction to that name surprised me. A flood of unpleasant memories rushed in. I remember the basement, I remember the torturing, the electric shocks, the pain. Shivers spread all over my body and I started breathing unsteadily. My eyes started to water and a mass of pain and memories of nights of grief overcame as I began crying so hard I think everyone down the halls could hear me. It almost sounded like a wailing cry of an injured animal. The nurse rushed to me and wrapped her arms around me in order to comfort me and stroked my head as if I was some kind of helpless child.

"There is one more name, do you want me to tell you?" she said when I calmed down.

I didn't know, what if I reacted the same way I did now. I decided to let her tell me later, when I had calmed down.. When the fear and shivers inside me had left from the memories I had gotten from remembering what I went through.

I was soon granted to eat real food but I always seem to be full after only a few bites. My taste and smell no longer seemed to work properly. I began to insist that I wanted to be allowed to walk so I could use the bathroom. At one point two nurses came in and pratically carried me into the bathroom and they even had to help me lower down. This was when I began to see how weak I was. I found that my weight used to be 116 lbs and now it was only 97 lbs. They also told me that I was 5 ft 5 inches tall.

"For how long was I in a coma?" I asked one of the nurses.

"Five months, almost six " she said.

After one month of learning to eat more so I expand my stomach and gain the weight I lost to get my health back, I started feeling stronger. The doctors said that because the shocks didn't cause any brain damage I would not have to do surgery or something. However, they did find something in my heart that didn't seem right at the moment. But they said I shouldn't worry and that it would work out just fine. I was given a wheelchair because my legs were still weak after five months of resting, I could not walk steady just yet, I would fall after my first step everytime I tried.

However, now began the real process of learning how to walk. My legs felt a bit numb at first, they had a tingling feeling just like you get when your foot falls asleep. I was being supported by nurses so I wouldn't fall when I stood up this time. Soon I was able to command my right leg to move forward and back. My left leg though, would refuse to move and just go sideways. I was told that this was due to my body not being used to movement yet and that with hard work my brain would rewire itself.

Weeks of practice showed affection and I was able to walk normally now. I had gained weight, but not all of it yet, of course. My skin tone slowly turned from yellowish to my normal color. I felt stronger everyday.

I told the nurses that I wanted them to contact someone from my speed dial two weeks ago, I wanted them to call Rachel. But they said that it's better to focus on getting better now and then call people and say I'm alright. My parents agreed. I told the nurse to tell me the last name in my phone book but my parents refused, they told her it's not the right time and that again, I should focus on getting better. Usually I would protest but I was in no place to do that right now.

All my memories weren't back yet, there were still things I felt weren't brought back. It felt like my soul was still empty, that a big piece was out there somewhere waiting for me to place it back. It was my love. I felt in love with someone, but that person was blurry to me.. I needed a name, a face.

"Mom, please tell the nurse I want to know who the last person in my phone was. I can't figure out the name of my girlfriend"

My mother looked at me with her eyes wide opened, shocked about the fact that I brought it up again. I bet she thought I had forgotten. No, this girl couldn't be forgotten. She was stuck in my mind ever since my memories started coming back.. After a while my mom went and brought the nurse.

"Hello, Santana" the nurse said when she walked in "how are you feeling?"

"I feel better"

"Great!" she said and let out a big smile "we tried to reach her number but we get no answer at all what so ever. But your friends, Kurt and Rachel will be visiting you tomorrow. Your mother called them"

I looked over at my mom and she proudly smiled at me, this was a surprise, so I smiled back.

"But what is her name?"

"She's called Britts in your phonebook"

_Brittany. _Her face apperead in my mind. She was baby-faced, blue eyed.. And blonde. She had kind of high, but not so visable cheekbones. I remember her eyes, she often had bags under them and not much make up around, from what I remember, she usually only used mascara. She had long lashes and the blue in her eyes was like the color of the ocean.. Or the sky when it's clear. I remember her adorable nose, her voice and her thin lips, her soft hair and her light eyebrows. _Brittany Pierce. _I got a huge swell of emotions in my chest just as the flashbacks of all the moments we shared wandered around my mind. I remember us in our cheerleading outfits, I see us sneaking into the bathroom or hiding where no one could see us, kissing. I remember we did that because she knew I wasn't ready to come out yet. I remember us pinky holding our hands as we walked around the hallways. I remember fights, break ups and make ups. I remember the feeling of her kiss and her glossy eyes everytime we stared into each others souls. The flashbacks kept floating in my mind and I felt my eyes tearing up. I got memories of our apartment here in New York, how I used to cover her when she fell asleep or when I pretended to be asleep everytime she kissed my forehead. The feeling of thinking about her, it's just this big pile of memories and emotions and the pit of my stomach doesn't cover it. It stretches everywhere and it's overwhelming, I feel complete.. It's hard to compare it with any other feeling in the world. Without lenght, or boud.. Or dept. It was perfect. It felt fiery but yet safe. As though someone had given me peace at last, as if someone had given me something no one would ever take away from me. It felt like my heart was dancing around my chest.

"Santana.." my mother interrupted and took my hand.

"Where is Brittany? Why is she not here.." I asked. I couldn't really see clearly because my eyes were tear-filled and it made it worse when the lights in the room hit them.

My mother just looked at me and smiled, she took a napkin out of her purse and dried my eyes. I could see her clear now and even she had tears in her eyes right this moment. I had no answer to why her eyes were tearing up. Still, she did that a lot these days, I guess she felt sorry for me.

"She will be here.." she said and looked over at the nurse "she will be here soon"


	24. Forever

**_Read the dates very carefully before reading. Also notice the date on the last chapter, I noticed some of you were confused. Read the dates before reading the chapter. _**

Brittany's POV (1st February, 2013)

_''Some people.. Some people don't know. They don't know how much it hurts, or how happy it makes you.. They don't understand what you're going through.. But I understand, Brittany. I love you. You love me too, right?.. I want to be with you forever. Do you feel like that too?''_

Her voice, those words were played on repeat in my head as I felt myself dropping on the floor. Over and over again. With my eyes wandering around me I found nothing but blood covered around the whole bathroom. The nurse who followed me there was, of course, waiting outside. With my head leaned on the wall I started to feel very cold, like when you're walking out in a t-shirt during the coldest hours of the winter to throw the trash, and a little colder than that. I felt terribly sick to my stomach, like I was going to throw up any minute. It felt like someone was repeatedly punching me right on the in the middle of my stomach. I started to take deeper breaths by every second that passed, at last my inhales were so heavy it felt like I was choking, like when you've got something stuck in your throat. My left arm, the one with the deepest cut started to shiver and shake, it was impossible to stop it. I finally tried to stand up, I managed and held myself on the wall.. I mildly pushed the toilet door open and right on the hallway with blood dripping from my arms, I passed out.

I felt like I was out of my body and going through a tunnel really fast and I saw flashes of my life and childhood. It went very fast, but I saw it all. Me on swings at the age of 7 with my mother videotaping me. I saw myself in my grandmas lap, laughing. Then at the age of 14, getting my first kiss from the boy who lives next door. After many flashes after that.. and what looked like 3 second videoclips in my head. I saw me, meeting Santana's eyes for the first time by the lockers after cheerleading practice. Our first kiss and the first time we slept together. Her smile, I saw her eyes.. Her clear, perfect face and I saw us hugging. The flashbacks reached their end as my whole life flashed before my eyes. I saw the last time I was with her and the last time she walked out the door. A bright light stroke my eyes as I tried to open them. It didn't work. Voices around me sounded like cars on the highway, like the wind hardly blew against my ears. I felt paralyzed.

I couldn't see any light and I didn't feel any pain laying on the floor in the asylum hallway. It was an indescribable feeling. My brain didn't shut down, yet, but I had lost too much blood, I couldn't move. I tried opening my eyes again and before me stood several nurses. Everything was moving so fast. One of them touched my forehead but I didn't feel the touch. Instead, I felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness. I watched them as they picked me up and placed me on a gurney. I felt gone for some quick moments, like I blacked out but then returned as the nurses were pushing me into an elevator to go to the operating room. I heard one of the nurses say she was scared to death for me. I thought it sounded like Amanda. I literally could not move or much else because of all the blood I lost. After that, everything stopped. I could see or hear no more.

Santana's POV (3rd July, 2013)

"What do you mean asylum? What? She's not crazy!" I yelled as I felt myself getting more furious for every second that passed.

"I'm not saying she is crazy, Santana. Please, calm down" Rachel said as she sat beside my gurney "she went there on purpose, she knew Dani was in there"

I still shivered whenever I head Dani's name.

"Please Santana you need to calm down we don't want anything to happen, you just got better" the nurse said.

"You calm down! Don't fuck with my brain. You people are nuts!" I yelled again and I swear I tried to be calm "where the hell is Brittany?" I asked calmly now, facing Rachel.

"Santana.. I already told you" Rachel said "she's stuck in the mental hospital"

"I want to visit her now" I said and tried to stand up.

"That will not work, Santana. You get to leave the hospital in two days. Please calm down" the nurse said again and pushed me back to the bed.

"I feel better, I swear! Please just let me see her. I need to see her" I said a bit louder this time and I felt my voice crack in the middle of the sentence, but I held the tears in this time. No way I would let all of them see me cry.

I looked at Rachel and she was looking at my mother, they shared concerned looks as if I was the crazy person in here. I begged for them to let me go but nothing worked. My mother, father and friends wouldn't let me go see my girlfriend.

"She needs to know" Kurt said at last.

"Don't you dare" My mother said and stared at him "don't you dare say a word about it, do you understand? She has gone through enough for now" she nearly yelled at him with her index finger pointed to his face.

"If you're going to lie to her, I won't stand here and take it. See you when you get out, San" Kurt said, grabbed his jacket and left the room.

What are they lying to me about? I don't understand a single thing and these people are just confusing. I deserve answers. How could they do this, treat me like I was some kind of child who would get hurt by every single word that slipped out of their mouth. Have they forgotten exactly who I am?

"What is it you're not telling me?" I asked and stared right into Rachel's eyes.

''It's nothing, Santana. Kurt is overreacting, Brittany is fine. You'll see her when you get out.. Just hold out for two days" she said and put her jacket on "it's getting late, I should get going as well" she leaned over and hugged and left.

The only one left now was my mother.

* * *

"Brittany, Brittany S. Pierce" I said to the receptionist/nurse as she asked who I was looking for.

"I can't find her in our files but I'm going to double check with my boss, I haven't been here for so long so excuse me for being slow" she said and gave a shy smile.

She walked away and was gone for a couple of minutes. I looked around and it actually looked like a place where they take care of their patients. I couldn't be 100% sure though because this was only the reception, I hadn't really gone in and seen the place from the inside.

"Ma'am, there is no Brittany S. Pierce in here" she said and looked down at a piece of paper.

"What the hell.." I mumbled and walked away, I sat down on one of the chairs in the waiting room and called Rachel.

"Why did you lie to me? What is going on?" I asked and started chewing on my nails.

_"Remember you told me not to chew on my nails.." _I heard in my mind. It was Brittany's voice. So I instantly stopped.

Rachel just sighed behind the other line of the phone.

"Santana, I will be there in 10 minutes" she said and hung up.

I guess all I can do now is wait for her to show up.

Right in the middle of my wonders and thoughts I got an idea, Dani was hopefully still in here.

"Hey, do you have anyone called Dani in your list?" I said when I walked over to the same, freakishly tall nurse.

"Dani... Dani.." she mumbled as her finger scanned the list on the computer screen "there" she said "Dani Alvez"

"When can I see her?"

"Visiting hours actually over for today.. Sorry. I can talk to her and see when if she's willing to see you tomorrow. What was your name again?"

My name, I couldn't give out my real name. Dani wouldn't want to meet me then.. I think. She probably doesn't even know I'm back. I tried to recall some of the names of her friends and the first name that popped in my head was Christina Jule.

"Christina. Tell her Christina Jule wants to see her"

The nurse left just when Rachel walked in and sneaked up behind me, it made me jump up a little bit. I wasn't ready for it.

"How long have you been here?" she asked and hugged me.

"I don't know, I got here around 5 p.m, what time is it?"

"5.30" she answered.

"There you go" I said.

The nurse walked back with a smile on her lips.

"Congrats, Christina.. You made your friend really happy" she said and wrote me a note and handed it over to me "there is the time you're allowed to see her, and that number under it is the room you will enter. It's the visiting room but it's kind of isolated"

"Christina?" Rachel asked when we walked out of the asylum.

"I'm meeting Dani under her best friends name"

"Santana.. There's no need" she said and stopped me right in the middle of the street.

"No need for what? I can't take it anymore, Rachel" I said and kept walking towards our apartment.

I wasn't allowed to stay alone for a while, the doctors highly recommended I stayed with someone for around two weeks because they hadn't figured out what it was with my heart that now kind of spread to my chest. They asked me if I could feel any chest pains and I couldn't. They ran tests but they didn't see anything yet. They did say they couldn't promise I wouldn't get some kind of reaction sooner or later though. That is why I wasn't allowed to be out of sight, I insisted but Rachel forced me to stay with her and Kurt. It was staying with them or at the hospital, I made the obvious choice.

Now was the beginning of the second week. Rachel kept coming up with excuses for me not to visit Brittany. Kurt always seemed really annoyed in the background, without any arguments. Today, though, I decided it's enough. My heart felt hollow without her in my life and I wanted everything back.

"Santana, there's something you need to know" Rachel said and stood still.

"What?" I asked and stopped right in front of her and turned back.

"Not here, let's go back home and I will tell you everything. With the help of Kurt"

I was scared. How scared? I couldn't explain. I was just really happy we didn't live too far away from where we were standing. And I was praying I wouldn't get my heart broken from what was about to shock me. What if they tell me Brittany found someone new.. I mean, I was gone for six months.. She might had gotten tired of waiting? Maybe that's why they tried to stop me from visiting her, maybe that's why Kurt said I deserve to know and why my mother told the nurse it wasn't the right time everytime she started bringing up that she could tell me who the last person in my speed dial was. They knew it would break me.

"Go ahead, tell me" I said and sat with my arms crossed on the couch placed in the living room.

"Kurt, come here please" Rachel shouted.

He walked out of his room and looked at us. He understood.

"Oh man.. I -"

"Cut the crap. Just cut it off. No foreplay, no introduction. Just tell me"

"Santana, you will not like these news"

"I knew it. Who did she start dating? How fast?"

They both looked confused, pretending I wasn't right and probably shocked about the fact that I advocated what they wanted to say.

"What..?" they both said and Kurt changed his seat, he sat next to me now.

He put his arms around me and Rachel did the same but the other side. I was surrounded by their pity and annoying faces right now.

"Get off me!" I yelled.

I couldn't keep it in. I got so angry and I took it all out on them.

"Do you think I need you to feel sorry for me? Do you think I need any of you! I'm going to our apartment and I hope you don't follow me"

"Santana it's not that" Rachel said and she started doing that face she does everytime before she starts crying.

"Will you people stop crying? I'm awake, I didn't die. Shut the hell up" I said and dragged my jacket and walked towards the door.

"Santana stop" Kurt said.

I ignored him and pushed the doorknob down.

"Brittany tried to kill herself" he said.

How do I explain what I feel? I don't know. Honestly, I don't even know what I feel. I hadn't moved from the exact same spot for five hours. I sat down on the couch, no movement, no speaking and no feelings. I didn't know how to cry. How do you react to something like that? Do I cry?

Brittany tried to kill herself, she tried.. But where is she now? If she _tried_, then that means she's not gone? Right. Rachel and Kurt tried to talk to me and tell me more about it or make me feel better but I couldn't listen. All I heard were mumbles and all I saw was Brittany's face in front of me. Thinking about questions like why? And when..

"Santana, please. Let us talk to you.. There's more" Rachel tried again.

I didn't listen. What more could it be? My girlfriend tried to kill herself and it was all my fault, I brought her here, I gave her the job at the diner and if it wasn't for me, Dani wouldn't find her. I just feel empty.

"Where is she now?" I asked and watched their faces turn from sad to shocked in one second because I said my first sentence in about three hours.

"You're talking" Rachel said.

"Where is she now?" I asked again "where's Brittany?"

Rachel didn't answer me, it pissed me off so much so I told them I needed fresh air just to get out of the apartment for a while.

* * *

It was time for my meeting with Dani. I walked up to the same, freakishly tall nurse and reminded her. She walked me to the visiting room and the moment I stepped in, Dani's face looked like she just witnessed the return of Jesus. She looked both shocked and honestly, I could sense fear in her eyes as I sat down in front of her.

"You have 30 minutes, girls" the nurse said and walked away.

I didn't say anything. I just sat there, in front of her with my arms crossed and my face straight, I didn't look angry nor did I look happy. I was waiting for her to say something but the look in her eyes proved she wouldn't say a single word. She avoided eye contact.

"Look up at me" I said at last to break the silence.

She didn't look up, she furrowed her eyebrows and kept looking down.

"Are you deaf? I said look up at me. You've got a lot to explain, Dani"

"You.. You're alive" she said and finally looked into my eyes. I was disgusted by her face at this moment.

"What the hell do you think? Did you think I was dead?"

"I did"

"I can't believe you. Firstly, please, just tell me. Why?"

"Why what?" she asked.

"All of this, why? Why did you have to do this?" I calmly asked her with my eyes staring right into hers, I refused to let her look away.

"All of this.. Because I love you" she said and smirked up at me.

"Because you love me?" I said and laughed "because you love me, really!" I said a bit louder this time and noticed a guard react so I had to calm down if I wanted to stay "you loved yourself and what was best for you, Dani. You didn't give two shits about me. How could you?"

"Santana, are you blind? I'm sitting in a mental hospital, all for you"

"No, no. You're sitting inside this asylum because you're fucked up. You're crazy. That's why"

She just laughed as if I just told her the funniest joke ever. She brushed her hands through her highlighted blue hair and sighed loudly.

"Why are you here, now again? It's over now. Why don't you let go?"

"Don't worry, I didn't come here for you in the first place. I'm still looking for Brittany and I was told she was in here but then the nurse told me she wasn't in the list, so I thought I could see you and ask you why you ruined my life"

Dani looked at me like I was crazy. Her forehead crinkled in confusion. She looked bewildered and wide eyed. She cleared her throat before she started speaking and gave me another suspicious look.

"You're still looking for Brittany? Did you friends not talk to you?" she asked.

"I know she tried to kill herself"

Dani looked away at the clock that was hanging right on the white wall over the door you go through to enter the real inside of the asylum. I did too and we still had about 8 minutes left to talk.

"You're kidding right?" she said and started laughing, again like I just told the funniest joke ever.

"Will you stop laughing? What the hell is wrong with you, she could have died. Suicide attempt is nothing to joke about you heartless screw up" I said and tried to talk some sense into her stupid behaviour.

"Poor you.. When did you wake up from your coma?" she curiously asked.

"Around one month ago, nearly two"

"Oh so you're like fresh from the dead, you little ghost.. Aren't ghosts supposed to be really pale?" she said and thought I would laugh at her little joke.

I didn't answer and looked at her, waiting for her to say something about Brittany. Just then the guard came and told us it's time to leave, so did the nurse.

"Time to go girls, say your goodbye's and you will speak next time Christina visits" she said and kindly smiled at me.

"Christina, right" Dani said and stood up with a big, annoying sneer on her lips "bye bye, Chris"

I just glared at her and watched her brush her shirt as if there was dirt on it, but it was clean.

"Before you go" she said and stood with her lips right by my ears.

The nurse tried to calmly pull her away but she didn't move.

"Brittany is only alive in your imagination now. She said goodbye to us six months ago. And it's all your fault" and the nurse dragged her off me.

* * *

"How could you not tell! How could you not tell me!" I yelled as I rushed into the apartment "are you fucking insane! You can't do this to me, you had no right!"

Kurt and Rachel stood before me with shocked faces and they were so still they looked frozen.

"Say something, explain yourselves!"

"We-.. We wante-"

"You wanted what? You wanted what!" my voice was caught in my throat as I struggled to form the words "why.. She didn't deserve it.. I-" and I fell apart.

I chocked on my words and I slowly sinked to the apartment floor with my whole body trembling. I wept uncontrollably and I couldn't stop. Hot torrents of grief were coursing out of my eyes like the breaking of a river. I was laying on the uncomfortable floor beneath me but I had no strength, no mind to stand up. My racking sobs shook me thoroughly with the knowledge that firstly, I had been betrayed by my friends, how could they not tell me? How could they make me believe she was still here during all this time? And secondly, the only reason for me to be happy with life, to stay alive, was gone, ripped away from me. Nothing would ever be the same. I gasped for air and turned my face, hoping the tears would stop streaming down my cheeks but they kept coming. I was bawling my eyes out for something I knew, something I knew was my fault. I knew that if it wasn't for me, this wouldn't happen.

"We're so sorry, we just, we wanted to protect you" Rachel said and her voice cracked as well and she sat down beside me, wrapped her arms around my body and let me comfort my head on her chest.

Kurt didn't say anything, he just sat down. I could hear him sobbing next to me. He held my hand and everything was quiet, you could hear nothing but the sound of a broken heart.

"She had lost too much blood.. The cuts, they were too deep" he said with sobs after every word.

Hours and hours later, long after the the moment I found out and the moment I had a emotional breakdown at the apartment I decided I want to visit the apartment. _Our _apartment, _our _home. Rachel and Kurt went to sleep believing I did too two hours ago. I took the keys they promised to give me in one week out of Rachel's nightstand and took a cab towards home.

When I walked in a flood of memories hit my brain. We didn't spend much time here but, all the moments we did are what formed it into what it is. I felt the lump in my throat slowly returning as I walked into our bedroom.. I brushed my hand against our bed and found a sweater laying on the floor on her side of the bed. The right side. I picked it up and hugged it with all power in my arms, it still smelled like her. I looked down at her side of the bed, it was still messy, the covers were wrinkled. I sat down on the edge of the bed with her sweater still in my arms. I started feeling tightness in my throat and heaviness in my chest. I got this empty feeling in my stomach that was hard to describe.. Almost like every track of happiness I had left was taken away, like my soul was sucked up into a big black hole and nothing would make it return.

* * *

I woke up with a confused brain, my arms cuddled up around the sweater and my head turned against the digital clock on my left side. It was 7.30 in the morning. That means I got around two hours sleep without even noticing I actually had fallen asleep. I sat up and I swear I could hear voices in the kitchen. And it sounded like her..

"Brittany?" I shouted and walked, almost ran, to the kitchen.

It was empty. No one was there. I was imagining her being there, I only heard her in my mind.

I still couldn't believe she was gone, it just didn't want to get into my head. I didn't understand.. Nothing made sense anymore. I could sense Brittany's presence, it was like she was still here.. Wandering around the apartment all giddy and happy. I could see her face every time I closed my eyes, it was so clear. So bright. Without any expectations at all I dropped the sweater and sat down on the floor. I didn't cry, not now. I just sat down with empty hands. I thought about her.. How she made me feel. With her, I was everything I ever wished to be. She helped me love myself. She helped me make my only dream come true, to get her.

"Why did you have to leave me!"

I opened the locker.

"Do you know how selfish you are? Do you not understand what you've done to me!"

I picked up a glass. I stared at it and threw it on the floor. I watched it break into pieces beneath my feet and it didn't bother me.

"Brittany, what you did to me was selfish" I whispered as if she could hear me "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry. I have no right to blame you" I whispered again and took the sweater off the floor.

I wished she could hear me. I wished she could know just.. Everything. If I feel like this after one day of knowing, how would I manage to go through my whole life without her by my side to calm me down during times like this? During times where I have no control over myself, she was the only one I would stop and actually listen to. Even if most of the times she caught my attention by kissing my lips just to prevent me from talking. Honestly, what hurt the most right now besides losing her was my guilt.

I stared at a photo of me and her while I was standing in front of the mirror in our bedroom. It was a photo taken here in New York, I stood with a ice cream cone in my hands and Brittany had her arms around me from behind with her head leaning on my shoulders. The smile on her face could bright up a whole, dark town. I stroke the picture with my hand as I felt something weird inside me, it was like butterflies but instead of getting it on the stomach I felt it on my chest. I didn't care at first but it quickly changed to tremendous pain. I held the photo in my hands and without letting go of it I walked over to my phone to call the number the doctor gave me in case I ever felt any kind of pain. I guess this was what he meant with "You never know, so for your own safety.. Always be around people until you're one hundred percent good".

"Hello, Doctor West here. How can I help you?" he said with the raspy, dark voice I recognized.

"Doc, I feel.. My chest hurts please send help" I said as I fought to manage to say release those words.

"We'll sen-" was all I heard before I dropped both the phone and the picture on the floor.

The photo frame broke, the glass that shielded the picture behind it broke on the floor and the photo of us landed in front of my feet. I tried leaning down to pick it up but it made everything worse. Uncomfortable pressure that lasted for more than a few minutes started spreading to my shoulders and after a while to my arms and neck. The pain started getting intense and it became unbearable. It felt like my chest was burning, like someone dropped a huge, heavy rock on my chest. I looked at my arms and felt the shivers becoming stronger. I started breathing shortly but heavy. It felt like the air I inhaled didn't go through my throat. It was like it all stored up at one spot until I couldn't catch anymore breaths and my sweaty, but somehow very cold body dropped. But I was still conscious.

"Open up!" I could hear someone yell but I had no power to rise up and open the door.

"Santana, please! Are you in there?!" it sounded like Rachel.. I wasn't sure.

"We're breaking the door!"

A mass of people rushed into the bedroom but I couldn't see very well. They were all very dizzy in front of me, it was just like when I woke up from my coma.. But this time instead of their faces getting clearer, they got dimmer.

"Pick her up, cary her down to the gurney!" someone called and I felt my body being picked up.

"I hope she-..."

I couldn't hear more. It was all.. One voice. I only heard _one_ voice.

_"Santana, of course I feel like that. You know it. And.. I know, you're kind of the only person who understands what it feels like to be me. You're my soulmate. I'm in love with every single part of you, all of you. Even when the world decides you and I are going to be parted, I won't let go. I'll find you.. Wherever you are, we will find each other, okay? Of course, Santana, of course I want to be with you forever"_

**_This was the last chapter of Forever. Thank you for reading & thank you so much for all the support. I hoped you liked it! _**


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